Fallen From Grace

Medicine To The Soul

Just as I was recalling how our mornings would start between Rodney and I - I stood outside with a fag remembeing him. I missed him. I missed our little morning routine we had. That he'd stand just across from me by my extension doors before I coaxed him out by coming out myself and then we'd start our daily routine all over again. Either stupidly or broken heartedly I offered up all of our money to buy him off Sandra and I wasn't just messing around lightheartedly but of course I couldn't have her dog but I found out she did complain about what time he now woke up at when she spoke to Andy over that. He apologised for Rodney waking her at seven but that's what we did but like Rodney, we were both set in our ways. Now there was now a hole in my heart from something missing in my life - a dog. I immediately questioned myself straight away after - could I really have a dog because this would be my life once I'd got one. My parents would have a fit once they knew I had a dog. I knew that much. I'd threatened them both specifically Mom before now telling her I'd get a dog telling it to attack people who I did not let in my house and telling her it would be Doberman because I was fed up of the fact my parents couldn't or wouldn't wait outside like normal people to be let in like anyone else who came to my door. I'd never allowed her to do so she just took it into her head to do it.

I decided I would get a dog because I was looking into my future and really trying to imagine a new Frenchie running around my house so it had to be a French Bulldog it had to be no question of a doubt. Over the following weeks after talking to Andy I wanted a dog, I started looking but that's all it was - looking and talking. I kept looking for tanned French Bulldogs just like Rodney. I saw some puppies for sale so I kept forwarding Andy links to look at but all I would hear is...

"I'm not travelling all the way over to Boston," or "I'm not travelling all the way over to Leyburn. You're supposed to be clicking on things in our local area or even kiddiminster - where are you finding these dogs?"

"Of course I'm looking in our local area. I've typed in Bromsgrove dogs for sale on Google and it shows me tonnes of puppies. I'll show you if you want."

Because I knew he didn't believe me.

"It redirects me to puppies everywhere then."

"How about you let me find some?"

So I let him. As he forwarded me things whilst he was at work I looked at the ones he sent and I didn't know why but I wasn't drawn to any of them. I just knew the first time when I laid my eyes on the appropriate puppy. The following week Andy Sandra and I were at a pub with Rodney and she offered up a new website for what we were looking for.

"We are definitely going to get a dog?"

I said to Andy at home the following day.

"I keep telling colleagues at work I'm getting a puppy. We are - right?"

"Yes!"

Now it was kind of no longer wishful thinking, I said to myself I was finally going to get a puppy and I told Andy I was going to name her Penny from the Big Bang Theory because she would be a force of nature like her.

It was late one Saturday around four and I was in a funny sort of mood, I couldn't be arsed to make myself a drink but I knew I needed one. I was sort of dragging myself around the house with a bit of brain fog going on and then I noticed Andy was in our extension sat up the corner. Good. I smiled he'd do that for me.

"Would you make me a drink?"

"No."

No! How rude was that?

It wasn't very often I asked for something.

"I'm looking into getting this french bulldog."

I looked over his shoulder and saw this chocolate and tan french bulldog and as soon as I looked into this little girls brown eyes and beautiful face I fell in love with her just like that.