Fallen From Grace

Mother Dearest

I knew that there were durable dog toys in a specific garden centre for Penny after her operation because I had come here with my Mom. This year straight after Easter Sunday was practically Mothers Day because it came around so quickly, and as I didn't get a chance to celebrate our Mother's Day together on the Sunday, we had a drink and a sandwich the following Tuesday. I haven't been able to spend time with Mom on Mothers Day for two years because Annie had not just once, but this was the second year of arranging to do something with Mom and didn't exactly invite or explain what we were doing to celebrate - whether we were putting both our cash to buy a big present for Mom or something simple to eat, whether it was finger food or ordering a Chinese because this is what she usually does.

I knew she took the lead in most of the decision-making anyway, especially when it came to going out with Mom and Dad. She liked being in charge. You could say it ran in the family, passed down from Dad to Mom to Annie, and her leadership qualities, (I have areas in my life where I am in charge but it tends to be away from the family) but because of this in Annie, Mom was more submissive around her. It's become a behaviour of hers when she's around Annie that's been ongoing for a good number of years. It's really like she really hangs on to Annie's words like Mom thinks she's cool or something. If Annie says something, then she gets listened to. My husband has picked up on this, too. It's not just Annie's words that have impact it's also from Ricky. I've had plenty of conversations with Andy where he's said exactly the same thing as Ricky but when Ricky says it everybody listens but as I've explained it's about the person whose delivering the advice - the person or person(s) Mom and Dad hold value in. Mom and Dad have made it well known for years now how much they hold both of them in a position of value in the way that they speak to them, uphold their wants and communicate in a way that's putting Annie in a position where what she says goes and it can be frustrating as hell but Mom's created that. I can even see it's not fair to hate or lay into Annie or Ricky but on occasion I'm grateful when or if Annie lays into Mom if it is on behalf of me although that ship is sailing rapidly because when she did her words drove more of an impact. These days, it's more about how she understands Mom, relates to her in terms of motherhood and justifications as to why Mom does what she does not saying it is shit the way she speaks to you, or I'd be embarrassed too if she said this to me in a group of people - something that would make me feel she understands.

Mom and Dad also let Annie arrange times and places because of having to plan things around her kids. So Annie takes the lead in any event whether it was a meal out as a family, or sorting out a mini buffet over her dining table and I never had a problem with that as long as she was inviting me in the decision-making for important events like birthdays, anniversaries and standard worldly events like Father's Day's, Easter Sunday's - because it wasn't like taking a trip out to Devon and I wasnt thought of for taking the kids down for the day, or a general missed meal out for the fun of it - it was Mothers Day for crying out loud.

The first time this happened a year ago, nothing my family did shocked me anymore because I was used to their poor treatment. I wondered if I should be bothered by this or not because I wasn't feeling a strong rush of emotions to get angry, but even if I wasn't feeling it, my husband was and he was angry. This year, it was no different as he was kicking off about it.

"They've royally effed you over," he shouted.

I didn't know what to say. I think because I've fully accepted their thoughtless behaviour, I have become indifferent.

"You are family," he cries. "It doesn't matter about me she's not my mother, I've seen mine this morning, but you're her daughter."

I sit on our stool next to the living room window. I nodded, I knew.

"It's just wrong!" He shouted. "She's got two daughters!"

"You are right."

But there wasn't anything I could do about it. That's my family.