Fallen From Grace

I Knew The Risks If People Found Out

When I went back to work, I decided I would put myself forward to something else other than going after something I was not getting and hitting a brick wall. I found my Manager in the office upstairs and knocked on the door.

"I saw the post on the board about getting someone to do trolleys," I said after I was hand batted to come on in. "I want to put myself forward."

"Yes!" Jennifer cried, putting her arms in the air, practically jumping out of her chair. "Thank you! Females can apply! The job isn't just for men!"

Jennifer put her arms out, taking up bigger space in the room with the other ladies who were sitting in front of their computer screens quietly smiling. Jennifer really did have a larger than life personality and I fed into her energy the fact that Jennifer was so pleased that I was a woman who wanted to do something that something that other women would not put themselves forward to do. I was pleased. I was beaming inside and found myself outwardly smiling. Finally, something I'd be considered to do. I felt I had really set myself apart from other women, and had I not come to her and expressed an interest, she may have not seen me in a different light. Later on in my shift, she personally came and found me in my lunch, and she had a talk with me about trollies she said that she couldn't put me forward because..

"I've looked over your notes," she said. "I appreciate your enthusiasm and that you want to do the extra job, but I can't. The only reason I can't put you forward is because I've noticed over your records you faint..."

I nodded immediately, understanding that would be an issue.

"and it is gruelling pushing trollies in the heat and the cold and different environment conditions. I have to think of you and your well-being."

"Okay."

I didn't pursue that particular job forward or be in any doubt as to why I couldn't do it and as I left to have my lunch because Jennifer was really kind, and thoughtful I felt like she actually cared.

There were always different things on the board upstairs (hence why I found the trolley job) before I walked into the staff room, but I often looked and read things that were placed on our boards. There were cards from other customers who had written into the store thanking different staff members for whatever they had done to provide excellent customer service in one section. There was another for us personally which was a star chart where customers had commented on how well our acts of service had impressed them and in this board would be our names with their comments, which on several occasions I'd noticed my name where customers had written in telling the team of management what a friendly nice cashier they'd had in me all of which they expected from a quality cashier. Another time, there was one saying how I was very loyal to the team saying firm but kind comments about working for our store. I was very pleased when I would be reading these, and they always excited me to keep projecting forward.

Then, on this one occasion, after a while of getting on with my job, I saw another poster that took my breath away. It was this growth mindset on the board that was new. I'd never seen any poster like this before, it was usually about statistics and how well we'd done with the mystery customer and certain areas to work on and different things like this, but this, it was more psychological and stapled to the board all over gave different thought processes and attitudes in squares that would leave an individual angry and resentful, even jealous towards co-workers at work but then on the other side was a section showing the positive attitudes that would leave a colleague fulfilled and happy and therefore would not feel a need to compete with others and have better working relationships. This immediately brought tears to my eyes because this resonated deeply and I nodded at each section wholeheartedly agreeing with tears glazing over my eyes why I had the wrong approach because I hadn't been getting job opportunities like others were, and constantly getting by passed therefore I had been getting angry, jealous and resentful because I felt unappreciated, undermined and not valued enough to be put forward in a better position in my job. I still had those moments where I would either moved to tears or I'd become plain angry but whoever had put this up had done me a favour because I felt like I could use this as an opportunity, understand where I was going wrong and learn something from the information and how to therefore alter my mindset because it gave me the tools of how I should be thinking to be the best colleague because deep down that's all I ever wanted to be. Yet, I still concentrated on being grateful and appreciative for my job while telling myself I was the best cashier they'd have because I tried to be the only voice in my head my brain heard because that was working. Especially because my attitude got me kind comments from customers on the starboard.