Fallen From Grace

Tragedy Strikes

The best part of this job wasn't only doing something I was good at, something I knew how to do well and had a lot of self confidence in - what I did best, I found a lot of school friends shopped here. Suzanne, my childhood best friend, Hannah, the bitch who was a bully, Marc my first love (but I'd describe it like a Peter Pan and Wendy love that didn't develop.)
Mostly all the school mates I once developed at various times an inferiority complex around to at some point - trying to come up with a conclusion as to why they were accepted and liked and I wasn't - I didn't have it!

All the psychological self help from wherever I could take it whether it was off the internet from YouTube from different therapists and coaches, or anger management books at the library, or even from understanding all about the nine different personalities and how they operated led me to the secret of meeting my own needs, accepting and building my confidence that others had ripped apart starting from stupid children at school because I thought I needed their acceptance. I just needed to believe in myself and a hundred percent, treating myself with respect and with some boundaries because I knew I had to turn my life around and no one else could do all that but me. I would say it's one of my biggest achievements of my life and the fact that I like myself. I ditched my own way of victimising myself and with healthy self esteem I could feel this little girl inside of me jumping up and down and shouting out that she's made it and that she's got everything she ever wanted. It still has a profound effect on me but with a completely different self mindset, brand new self talk and a different set of beliefs all of the decisions I had made up to this point even the bad ones, I felt I was exactly where I was supposed to be and an even better version of me.

Plus, I was in my element of what I had done for years and doing something I knew how to do my confidence just came naturally. I walked right up to management if I needed to talk to them in the store and I struck up conversations with the public and all the people who knew me from my previous jobs I had just knew me at my till. I knew that this store would see how good I was and so would everyone within a miles radius though my actions.

This store was the first job I ever got paid for every four weeks but I requested and did the hours because I was happy and thankful to be in a job. Sharon a lovely lady would come to me with hours asking me what days I could do and honestly I was more than happy to do them. For the first time in a long time I walked with a spring in my step. I let my hips fly and bounced as I walked to the tills. I was Nick's girl well that's what I was told I was and it was depending on which section we were working in. He was tall blonde and easy on the eye just like Justin in the hardware store.

I sat behind this lady with blonde hair and glasses at the checkouts and her name was Sally. She was a laugh as well as having positive bouncing energy in her job. She had good rapport with her customers.

"I don't see the point in being miserable," she said.

This was when she was singing along to the store music. Now she was more my style of person to be around.

"Good on you," this guy said to her.

"Oh hey," Sally welcomed another customer. "How was your daughter's school play?"

Then this lady started talking to her. Sally just knew interesting things about the customers lives and I liked that she had that strong bond with the customers. Sally was also a strong force of positivity, with an interest in other people and her straight forwardness. I liked it and I liked her for it. I did find she inserted herself in anything I was dealing with when I was with a customer who I was in any kind of debate with though (a lot of the elder women were like that) I could and I would handle customers but I decided to let the ladies handle it because they seemed to like me. I had a feeling I was going to be alright here.