Fallen From Grace

Biological Sister's

As I woke up the next day I woke up just before my phone rang on out. It was Leanne. I watched her name with her number flash up as I lay in my bed with my pyjamas on because I really didn't want to answer her thinking briefly if I didn't answer it would show a clear message I was angry with her and didn't want to talk because what she didn't do last night wasn't alright. I was five minutes! Five minutes, if that, getting my shit together but either out of my own stupidly and wondering what she had to say for herself I answered.

"Hi..."

She got a flat hi. I wasn't happy to hear from her at all.

"How are you?"

"I'm so sorry," she then said in my silence knowing I was upset. "I'm so sorry Kimberly. We thought you had gone."

Gone where?

"We thought you would have gone to find Andy and he'd have taken you home."

Oh that was her justification that made sense to her!
I didn't live around here!
That's why Andy drove me to Kidderminster from Bromsgrove each time I wanted to see Natasha and it took around twenty five minutes to get there depending on traffic!
But sure, I could make it over to Bromsgrove, in the dark, to therefore make it back to him.
If she'd have called, I mean really called with her voice and yelled "Kim!" I would have heard because I was just around the corner and despite being upset and angry I knew I'd have done the sensible thing and came straight back and wouldn't have ignored a yell because purposely ignoring a yell or even two if I was that lucky I'd understand how being locked out would have been my fault at my own blasted stupidity.

"So when we couldn't find you we locked up..." she cried. "We had to."

"I was left," I answered.

"I know. I know," Leanne's voice broke. "And I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Sorry?

She felt guilty which was more likely why she was upset because she knew she was at fault. Natasha probably phoned her and explained the unforeseen events of her back door and it brought on Leanne's guilt because "sorry" didn't do me any good last night. Everything was still pretty real in my mind, the horror that the door was really bombarded up for the night, the panic realising I was not only left in the dark, I was then having basic needs like needing the toilet and then loosing it the way I did by using the first thing I saw and then on top of all that having had the police called out on me. I went to bed shaking and trembling!
Shaking and trembling with my husband's arms around me and thinking about being in a world of trouble the next day!
How she could possibly fall asleep knowing I was out there and that she could justify physically putting her head down on her pillow and falling asleep was beyond me. It would have bothered me if that was the other way around and I couldn't find her. In fact it would have bothered Natasha if something awfully horrible had have happened to me. She wouldn't rest until she knew I was okay not just about worrying if anything happened to me but just knowing that I was missing would have bothered her - she'd have rung Andy got him out of bed, tried ringing me she'd have made a damned effort. I knew it would affect her like that because Natasha and I were like that.
Even as angry as Leanne was last night I was still a friend of Natasha's, so a friend of her friend's - couldn't she have fathomed that it would bother Natasha if she didn't know where I was?

Unlike her, Natasha cared.
I was alone, overwhelmed and bleeding from trying to get inside the house with the glass flying everywhere as I lost it.
When I realised I had smashed a hole straight through I even tried slotting a hand through the jagged hole in the glass to see if I could turn a key or something and I really tried until my hand hurt to get in to lie down for the night - I don't suppose she knew how that night felt. I was five minutes! Five minutes!