Risky Decisions

Chapter 4: What makes her so different?

"I'm almost never serious, and I'm always too serious. Too deep, too shallow. Too sensitive, too cold hearted. I'm like a collection of paradoxes"
(Ferdinand de Saussure).

|◁ II ▷|

I glance back when I sit down at our table. She's smiling and shaking her head, still munching on her carrots.

I can't for the life of me figure out why she's so adorable. Nothing she's done has been specifically "adorable." For example, if my cousin did that, I wouldn't find it adorable.

So, why with her? What makes her so different?

Rikkard mumbles to himself, and I look over at him. He's sulking.

I humor him, giving him the attention he's begging for as he huffs and glances at me and Jake. "Rikkard, did you see Amber?"

That's all it takes.

"Yes, in fact, I did," he grumbles.

I wait. As expected, Rikkard figuratively explodes.

"She was staring at West the whole time! I kept glancing at her, hoping she'd wouldn't notice I was looking, but it got to a point that I started hoping she'd notice. I was outright staring at her, and she didn't even notice. Nobody notices. Ever."

Rikkard's chest rises and falls quickly. I feel my eyebrows pinch together, but a glare from Rikkard smoothes them out.

Jake hesitantly picks up the conversation. "Valen, I saw you talking to Nico. Was it everything you dreamed it to be? Or are you disappointed? Because if you are, there's these girls that won't go out with me until—"

"Jake," I bite out. "No, she's even more beautiful, funnier, and kinder than I'd heard or witnessed. How can a woman so full of joy and kindness be that sarcastic and beautiful? How can she have everything? Isn't she supposed to have flaws?"

"Poetic bastard alert," Jake announces, flicking one of his pretzels towards me. I scoff and throw it back, hitting him on the cheek.

Rikkard is smiling at me, in that knowing way he always has. He glances back at Nico's table, looking back at Amber, I think.

I shift my eyes from the table, ignoring Jake's guffaws and jokes about my "obsession" with Nico.

I turned at the perfect moment. I see her head fling back, her mouth wide in a laugh. Man, I wish the lunchroom was quieter so I could hear her beautiful laugh.

I feel a pure sense of confelicity as I watch her happiness fill the space around her and bring smiles to her friends' faces.

After a moment, I turn slightly and my eyes catch with the blondie. Sam. His jaw is set, and I can feel and see the power behind his glare from across the lunchroom.

I can't help myself. The right corner of my lips pulls way up, my eyebrows settled close to my eyes.

I don't like him. I do not like Sam. He looks at Nico as if he already has her. He's too cocky about her and her decisions.

I don't even really know him. He plays baseball.
He's part of Nico's group, probably because he's friends with West. He sleeps around, but he keeps it quiet. Jake used to mock him for that.

I move my gaze away from Sam and back to Nico, hoping to see one more smile. Instead, I see her glancing between me and Sam, her dark eyebrows pulled together and a frown on her lips. Her eyes lock with mine, and an involuntary smile works its way onto my face.

Her cheeks glow with a deep red color, and I find my smile grow. Her eyes are wide, the green of them illuminated by her tan skin tone and her rosy cheeks. She looks gorgeous even when she's embarrassed.

The shrill clang of the bell pulls her eyes away from mine, and I almost curse it until Jake bumps my shoulder as he passes, giving me a smirk.

|◁ II ▷|

I walk with Jake and Rikkard around the halls as people leave lunch and hurry to their classes. I see a few sophomores rushing to lunch, but they see us and glare, moving out of the way.

People are so judgy.

It's okay. I'll judge them back harder.

As we walk past the class I have now that I've ditched so far, I see Nico walking towards the door.

I have that class with her. I have English with her. If I'd have known, I wouldn't have skipped.

I leave my friends and walk to my class. My shoulder is gripped and pulled back. I turn to see Jake staring at me weird.

"Dude, are you really going to go to English?" He sputters and lets out a short laugh. "I thought you hated all that stuff."

I glance at Rikkard, and we roll our eyes. I turn back to Jake. "I love English. I love reading. I love writing. Yeah, I'm a poetic bastard. I hate the class and subject because we never learn anything I haven't already studied. It's pointless, Jake."

I move my shoulder from under his hand and head back into the class, muttering some goodbye's and see you later's.

Nico turns back and waves to her friends. Amber, West, and Sam wave back. She enters the classroom, and I hurry to catch up, hoping to snag a seat by her.

She passes Ms. Plynto, giving her a small wave and slight smile. I walk at what I think is a natural pace behind her, my heart hammering in my chest at the possibility of another interaction.

I've waited too long. I'm a senior. It's my last year.

I've always been too nervous. Who loves rejection? But this could be my last chance. It is my last chance. My last year.

I feel determined as I follow Nico, letting her sit down and get settled before I think to approach.

This is my last chance. This is my year. I have to be slow and cautious, but I can't let this opportunity disappear and always wonder about the what-if's.

I'm going to do it. I'm going to sit down and talk with her, and we're going to be at least friends.

I'm optimistic.

|◁ II ▷|

Word of the Day: Confelicity (To delight in someone else's happiness)

On the day this chapter was officially finished: 68 days til graduation.

Man, I hate high school.

^haha now i'm on day 17 of italy and no more high schoollll

i'm sick tho so that's great. we leave tomorrow, too:(

Much love and prayers!