Only the "Strong" Survive | Paul Lahote |

*chapter twenty-one*

Jared went home shortly after the boys came back in, Sam and Emily headed off to bed. She had given me some sweats, a sweatshirt and socks to wear as well as let me take a shower. Paul stayed glued to me, he had sat outside the bathroom door just waiting for me and was sitting next to me now on the couch. Me curled into the arm, my legs over his and my head on his shoulder. We weren't talking much, except for every so often when I'd ask if the door was locked or he'd ask if I was warm enough.

As usual I had a million thoughts running through my mind, I was wondering if Ryan would come back, if he'd show up at my work in a couple of days when I was scheduled again. I thought about the stories Billy had spoken at the bonfire, how they were all true. How Paul was actually a shape shifter and that everyone on the reservation was protected. I wanted to ask Paul about the cold ones, about imprinting - if the shape shifting part was true then the rest of it surely was as well, right? So somewhere out there vampires exist, close to us too since all of these boys had shifted over the last year. The thought made my heart race, is that how I would leave this world? At the hands, or rather the mouth, of a vampire?

"Joni, you're getting anxious again. I need you to breathe." Paul whispered into my ear while he rubbed my shin.

"I'm sorry."

Paul just sighed. This was probably the 100th time I'd apologized, first for going, then for making him angry, then for taking too long in the shower, for my hands shaking, crying again - you name it I've probably apologized for it.

"Are you ready to talk?" He asked as I curled my head a little deeper into his chest.

"About which part?"

"Any of it."

I thought for a moment, I didn't want to talk about Ryan. I wasn't ready to tell Paul that he had been the one to hurt me the first time too, and that I was really stupid for not knowing. Paul had gotten so angry before that I felt if he knew it would happen again and I really just needed him holding me.

"You're a wolf?"

He chuckled, "Shapeshifter, yes."

"For how long?"

"About a year now. We shift when cold ones get too close, and last year there was a group running around killing innocent people."

"Are they still here?"

"Not all three, no. But one of them and she's got more with her. And then there are the Cullens, who live in Forks full time."

"I've seen them. I went to school with them but I didn't know..." I sat up, looking at him now, "the Swan girl. Is she one too?"

"No. Not yet anyway, from what Jacob has told us she wants to change - she plans to. Jacob loves her. He has since she moved back here. She's the reason for all this chaos, her and the Cullens." Paul replied, sounded annoyed towards the end.

I picked up his hand and played with his fingers, yawning before continuing our talk, "Does this mean imprinting is real too..?"

Paul smiled, "Yeah it is. Billy's story didn't even do it justice - it's one of the best things in life. Makes you feel invincible and vulnerable at the same time."

"So you've imprinted? Because it just...just sounds like you know the feeling."

I either expected it to not be real, or I at least hoped Paul hadn't yet. There was a part of me that liked him, that felt drawn to him. Mostly I just liked having him around and having someone to protect me. But if he had someone, another girl that he was destined to be with then I would lose him. He'd become nothing more to me than just another one of the guys at the table, someone I could chat with, joke with, more like a brother than anything else.

"Yes, I have."

"What's she like?" I asked avoiding eye contact.

Maybe I should've moved off his lap, or stopped touching his fingers. This was wrong, this wasn't where I belonged. She did, whoever she was. Did she even know?

"She's got these gorgeous eyes, they telegraph her every emotion good and bad. I think she's fragile, but sometimes I see this tougher side come out of her - an attitude, and she's got a mouth on her too. I hear curse words slip out when she's really frustrated and it's cute because she seems so innocent. She gives the best hugs, and when she smiles. Words just don't describe how good it makes me feel."

Laying my head back on his shoulder taking a deep breath, and feeling a tear slip down my cheek. Angry, jealous... envious. He sounded like he really cared about her. I couldn't even think of a response. I felt Paul's chest vibrate under my head as he chuckled a little bit, I don't know how he could be laughing right now. While I sat here speechless and upset.

"Joni, look at me." He said softly, but I didn't move.

Paul took his hand from mine, moving his shoulder to get my head to move and very gently placing his finger under my chin. He made me look at him as another small tear rolled, he used the same finger to wipe it off my face. He was smiling at me and another small chuckle left his lips. I just looked at him confused, furrowing my eyebrows still not understanding what was so humorous.

"Silly girl. It's you, I imprinted on you."

"What?" I managed to croak out

"I imprinted on you?" He said looking at me a little funny.

"Does that mean we're together? Do you even want me? Because I mean you don't get a choice in the whole thing - it sounds, it sounds like a lot but if you don't want it. I can...I don't know, I can move? Leave you be or something?"

I began babbling and started to move off his lap to the other side of couch. I wanted to be wanted, I didn't want him to feel forced to want me.

"Joni relax." Paul held my hips, keeping me sitting on his lap, "It doesn't mean anything more than this: I like you, I'm connected to you, it's my job to keep you safe and happy. Forever. We become whatever the imprint needs us to be sometimes a friend, a brother, a lover. It's all up to them."

"When did it happen? I don't remember it Paul."

"It was the morning after you...were attacked. I was in my wolf form, you were in the woods. That moment when you looked back at me, looking into my eyes - that's when it happened."

I nodded, I remembered that morning so vividly. I remembered the wolf, Paul, and looking at his eyes. But I don't remember feeling differently, maybe I was so caught up in myself that I didn't even think about it. This explained everything now, why he came to the diner so much. Him sitting in the chair next to me at Sue's right after I had hurt myself. Him stepping in with my mother, my father, and Ryan. It wasn't weird, it wasn't because he felt badly for me, it was because he was literally sworn to protect me.

"Paul?"

"Yeah Joni?"

I sat up looking right at him, there was a sparkle in his brown eyes I hadn't seen in awhile. His hands rested gently on me, one on my back the other on my lower thigh. If he could feel my heart then he would know it was pounding.

"Just thank you. For everything."

"You never have to thank me."

His voice was sincere, he leaned forward to kiss my forehead and I tilted my head up, ever so gently placing my lips against his.