Only the "Strong" Survive | Paul Lahote |

*chapter fifty*

|JONI|

Paul coming back to us in one piece was the greatest gift I'd ever received. The moment my eyes had met his, I knew I was whole against, in my body, mind, and soul.

"I told you I'd come back to you guys." Paul whispered as I hugged in and held him tight.

It took everything in me not to cry in his arms, partly from the relief and partly from the hormones that were rushing through my body. We left Sam and Emily alone for the night, the rest of pack had kind of made a unanimous decision to spend some time with their families. Realizing how close they'd been to possibly not coming home at all.

I curled myself into the couch, admiring Paul walking around the house shirtless with some sweatpants on. His v-lines showing, muscles beautifully flexed not even intentionally, and his face looking relaxed for the first time in a long time. He gave me the biggest grin when he noticed I was watching, a big shiny, goofy one that made my heart go pitter-patter. I loved this man more than life itself, I loved the little life we were building, the home we had turned into our own and all the first and new things that were coming for us.

Paul sat down by my feet, throwing them over his lap and beginning to rub them, "What does mama want for dinner?"

"What does Papa want?" I asking with a grin, I hadn't called him that before but just imagining a tiny toddler voice calling him papa made my heart sing. There was a glimmer in his eyes as he took in my words, almost a childlike wonder to his eyes as it hit him.

"You and little man there get to decide. I know he's getting pickier."

I laughed, "Honey we don't know if it's a boy yet."

"I have a gut feeling and we both know those are almost never wrong."

"Well they're wrong like ninety percent of the time babe."

"Yeah yeah, will you please just choose something?"

"Pizza. With onions, bacon, sausage, and... olives."

"Ew since when do you eat olives?" Paul said with his nose scrunched at me.

"Since wolfie decided they sound good."

After hearing Paul call the baby that I'd taken to calling them by the same. There was something peaceful in having a name for them, something that added a little extra bit of reality to it until I had my first appointment and we could see them on the screen. Emily and Sam were the only ones who knew still, as far as I know anyway. I'd ask Paul to do his best and keep it a secret from the pack until today was over, telling him it was so no one would be distracted. But the reality it was more for my own piece of mind, a test was just a test and my body changing could've been for a thousand other reasons. So until I saw my baby on the screen and got to hear their heartbeat, I didn't feel comfortable telling anyone else. Maybe that's an irrational thought, or a bad idea to think so negatively but I think putting myself and my needs in front of everything else for another week would be okay. The only thing that hurt worse was I had no one to tell besides the pack, no siblings or parents to jump up and down with me - to plan a baby shower, or spoil them with toys. It was just my little reservation family, and while that was more than enough it still stung.

"What's going on in your pretty little head?" Paul chuckled as he sat back down on the couch, pizza box in hand.

"I can't stop thinking."

"About?"

"Everything..."

With a big bite of pizza in his mouth Paul replied, "Come on, Joni talk to me."