Only the "Strong" Survive | Paul Lahote |

*chapter ten*

"Thank you...I didn't expect her to be here and she's upset with me and she was.." I was feeling it again, the urge to tell him everything.

"That was your mom? I've seen her before I think she helped Sue with a clothing drive once I didn't know.."

"Yeah," I interrupted him, "that's what she does. She helps everyone else and treats her daughter like crap."

He chuckled a little and I glared at him, "What?"

"Just never seen you angry before. Is your arm okay?'"

I looked at it, there was a little blood but it was fine. I would just change the bandage when I got the chance.

"Why are you here?"

He half smiled, "I thought you could use some support on your first day back. So I figured I'd come eat to make sure you were good."

It felt sweet, and genuine. I smiled a little back at him looking into his deep brown eyes.

"I can go.." He started to say.

"No stay. Sit I'll take your order and stuff. Maybe.."

"Maybe what Joni?"

The way he said my name, the way it rolled off his tongue. I felt my checks heat up, "Maybe you could just come back when I get off? Around 11, just in case she comes back or something else happens?"

Paul nodded and sat down at the booth. I took his order, a coke, two cheeseburgers and extra fries. And once I brought him his food I left him alone so he could eat in peace.

I had a few more customers to take care of and did some more cleaning. Paul neatly stacked his plates for me and left, waving as he walked out. When I went to clear the table I looked at the check and not only did he leave me a $50 tip, he wrote his number down and a note that said "I'll see you later".

It was sweet, I giggled to myself before sliding it into my pocket and cleaning up. The hours passed quickly, Nancy and I chatted and she told me about the boys. Her youngest made the honor roll, the oldest crashed his dirt bike and her middle child keeps telling her he was to go live with his dad. Their dad left them, he wasn't a bad guy, he sent money sometimes for birthdays and such but wanted to live his own life in California and didn't want to raise the boys. It killed her because she couldn't tell them that, the boys weren't sure what happened exactly. But blamed her more than their dad and she let them live like that because she didn't want them to hate him.

She ended up leaving earlier than I did. So I was set to close by myself. I filled the salt and pepper shakers, cleaned up the ketchup bottles, and counted out the register. It was quiet, it was eerie. Very similar to the night I was attacked and I could feel myself getting more and more anxious as I knew I'd have to leave soon and walk to my car by myself. I was lost in thought, stacking cups behind the counter when I heard a banging on the door. I had locked it because I knew I was going to be alone, slowly I walked over to it seeing Paul and instantly feeling better and more relaxed.

"Oh thank god it's you," I said letting him in.

"Well who else would it be?" He said chuckling a little at my frightened state.

I just looked at him as he sat at the counter and proceeded to continue stacking the cups, "I forgot I'd asked you to come back."

"That's okay, I was worried about you anyway."

"Why is that?"

"Because uh.." Once again the words stuck in his mouth.

I sighed, stopped what I was doing and looked at him in the eyes, "Did Sue tell you?"

He didn't scare me as much anymore, I felt like I could talk to him, but he was still intimidating when he got angry. That's a feeling I don't think will ever go away.

"Yes."

"That explains it."

"Explains what?"

I went back to cleaning, "The sad look you get when you see me. The way you look at me like I'm broken, it's because she told you the truth. I have no idea why she would but it all makes a little more sense now."

"I do not look at you like you're broken."

"Uh yeah you do. You and everyone else. Except Seth, he's literally the only one who looks at me like a human and not damaged goods." I was frustrated now, frustrated she told him, told everyone I assume.

I never wanted anyone to feel bad for me. I told her the truth because it was only fair if I was going to stay with her and I thought it was confidential, just between us. But it makes sense now. Paul checking up on me, the boys being careful about their jokes when I'm around, why only Emily and Seth are willing to hug me or sit next to me. They all know.

"Please don't be upset with me. I don't mean to look at you like that," he said standing up as I had walked around the counter with my stuff in my hands and ready to leave.

I ignored him and kept walking, I felt safe enough to walk out alone because I knew he'd be following close behind. And he did, he walked out with me, waiting right next to me as I leaned over to lock the door again from the outside. I wanted to ignore him longer, I didn't want to look at him and see that sad look but he stopped me. His arm wrapped gently around my waist and he kind of forced me to make eye contact.

"You're not broken. I'm sorry if I look at you that way I'm just trying to make sure you're okay."

My breath was caught in my throat. He had never held me this way before, no one had, and it felt nice and terrifying all at once. I felt warm and shy all at the same time. But looking in his eyes as he spoke, he meant it and it was nice to see someone like him care about someone...like me. It was right there that I broke, I leaned into his chest and just cried. I don't know why, it was a combination of everything. My mother, going back to work, how damaged I felt, how good it felt to be surrounded by people who made me feel welcome. He held me against his chest rubbing my back and just letting me cry while his head rested on mine.

Paul leaned back just a little and placed a small kiss on my forehead, a friendly, comforting kiss, "Everything is okay now Joni."

And for the first time in a long time, it felt like that might be true.