Only the "Strong" Survive | Paul Lahote |

*chapter forty-one*

That was the last time I saw Paul for a couple months.

That night I went back to Sue's, packed my things and left her a thank you letter. Leah caught me on the way out but didn't try to stop me, she gave me a hug and told me to call if I needed her. I cleaned up my parents house, and got rid of their things over the next few days. Keeping only what I wanted forever and putting them in a storage unit. I talked to a realtor and put the house up for sale as it was now legally mine and took off.
Driving east to Seattle. I'd never been and it seemed like a safe distance away.

Between the money I had saved up, and because of Nancy I was able to survive for a while and not work. Nancy's sister had opened her house to me with open arms, she was in her thirties and lived alone - said she appreciated the roommate.

I tried to rebuild my life on my own. Blocking calls from the pack and Emily, and Sue as well. I would always, always, keep their secrets safe, and close to my heart - but I couldn't handle them trying to convince me to come back. Night time was the worst, I longed for Paul to hold me and take care of me. For him to fix the broken pieces of my heart - but I had to do it myself this time. But I kept his voicemails saved, so I could still hear his voice on the nights it hurt the most.

"Joni baby, Sue said you left. I know things are hard but I'm here, we're all here. Please don't go, call me. I'll come get you wherever you are, I'll do whatever you want. Baby just come back. I love you."

"Joni it's been a week. Emily said you blocked her? Why would you do that? We're your family. I love you, please come back to me."

"Do you not understand I can't live without you? I physically can't, your my imprint I'm attached to you Joni. How am I supposed to know you're safe, or warm, or okay? Fuck Joni just come back home. I love you."

There were a lot more, but those touched my heart in a special way. I loved him too, with every once of my being but I needed to fix myself. I needed to become who he needed me to be, who he deserved - and for right now, and the time being I couldn't do that or be that in La Push.

I curled my hair and put on make up, heavier than I usually did. Tugging my little black dress over my shoulders and slipping my heels on, I looked at myself - I looked good, put together, but my eyes looked sad as they always did. No matter how many nights I spent at the clubs, how much I drank, I always felt worse in the morning. But at least for a little while it would help me forget all of them.

The music was loud, I held my clutch tight walking through the crowd of people at the bar.

"What'll it be tonight honey?" The blonde behind the bar asked me, she knew I was underage but she never cared which I was grateful for.

"Two shots of tequila and a vodka cran please ."

"And put those on my tab!" I heard a mans voice say as he pulled up next to me.

He was tall, muscular, looked like he went to the gym a lot. Green eyes and shaggy brown hair parted over to one side, I could see a sleeve of tattoos down his arm but couldn't make out what they were. He smiled at me and put out his hand, "I'm Johnny."

I laughed a little, "I'm Joni."

"Match made in heaven I'd say." He laughed, and passed down my drinks to me.

I did the shots at the bar and took the drink with me as he pulled me onto the dance floor. His arm wrapped itself around my waist, pushing my backside into him. I moved my hips the beat, feeling the music as I drank some more. We danced forever, his hands running all over my body, touching places I knew he wanted to explore. And while I leaned into him and enjoyed it, and the kisses he placed on my neck it wasn't the same as Paul. But I tried to imagine he was there with me, that it was his hands touching me instead of Johnny's.