Only the "Strong" Survive | Paul Lahote |

*chapter twenty-four*

I fell to my knees next to him, his once tan skin now quickly becoming more pale. He laid there, not moving, not breathing, heat no longer radiating off of him. I couldn't breathe, it felt as though my heart was being squeezed from the inside ready to burst out of my body from the pain. Everyone stood around us, silent and sullen as there was nothing else to do. I looked up, locking eyes with her, and felt anger take over my body, "What the fuck is wrong with you?!"
She just stared back at me.
"He's fucking dead because of you!"

I woke up in a pool of sweat, my chest heavy, I was alone in my room but that's not how I fell asleep. Paul had been here, I fell asleep with his arms around me. My eyes were watering, it all felt real. The door from the house opened and my head snapped to see Paul holding two cups of coffee, a big smile on his face.

"Good morning beautiful," He said gently, setting the cups down on the small table next to the bed and kissed my forehead.

I practically jumped into his arms, holding onto him so tight so that he could never leave me again.

Paul chuckled into my hair, "What's the matter Joni?"

"I dreamed," my voice was croaky, shaky, my mouth dry, "that you...you died. She got you killed."

He pulled away rubbing my back and looking at me with a strong, reassuring look, "I'm alive Joni. She who?"

"Bella. I don't know how I don't know what happened. You...you were there and not breathing. I was crying and I just started screaming at her. Paul it was real. It was so fucking real."

"Drink your coffee, it'll help you relax."

The room became silent, we sat side by side drinking our coffee. The hum of the fridge just inside the door being the only sound. There was a knock on the door, Leah poked her head in, covering her eyes with here hand, "Everyone's meeting over at Sam's. He said there's a few more things he wants to talk about before the weekend."

"We'll head out in a few." Paul replied, his voice flat and strong.

I moved off the bed and over to the dresser, grabbing some sweats, a sweat shirt and socks. I put my hair in a bun not having time to wash it, and waited for Paul to leave. He didn't look back at me as he walked out, both coffee cups in hand, shoulders slumped slightly forward. Maybe I shouldn't have told him about my dream, it seems to be weighing just as heavy on him as it is me.
I put on my uggs, and walked into the house, Paul was standing by the door with his keys in hand and he continued to avoid eye contact with me as we walked out to his truck. I don't think I can recall a time when we were like this with each other, when the silence was awkward instead of comforting.

The mood in the house was the same. The boys sat scattered around the living room, some on the couch or the chairs, some on the floor. Also in silence, that uncomfortable silence. Emily was moving around in the kitchen, three pans and a pot on the stove, the crockpot plugged in on the counter. She offered a small smile when I walked in. I poured another cup of coffee and sat at the table staring at my hands mostly.

This weekend was the battle, the one the boys had spent weeks preparing for. The one that I was afraid of, and judging by the atmosphere, everyone was afraid. Looking at the boys, they all suddenly looked like children. I remember meeting them, their tall, muscular statures giving an air of confidence, of invincibility. But sitting there, they were nothing more than kids, boys who were given too much responsibility, who had been forced from powers beyond their control to protect the land designated to them by their ancestors, and sworn to protect the people of it. It broke my heart to see them sitting there, usually happy people, laughing and teasing each other, arguing over who's stronger and who's faster, now just staring awkwardly at each other.

Sam walked in the front door, giving Emily a quick kiss before he joined everyone else in the living room. They huddled a little closer together as he began talking.

"Are you hungry Joni?" Emily asked softly.

I nodded.

"Good I made enough for an army." She joked, but caught herself.

Army. That word hung in the air like a storm cloud. The last few days we'd all tried to been upbeat, we avoided conversations about the battle. Avoided using that specific word. It had set in now, and especially after my dream of Paul's death I could feel the terror in my body. The Cullens had said it would be a bloody battle, that lives could be lost. It felt possible now, and if the pack lost one of their own...I don't know that they'd ever recover. I don't know that peace would ever be had with the Cullen's again. If I lost Paul, right at the start of what could be something really good - what could be my forever, what's supposed to be forever, I know I wouldn't recover. He has been my rock, my hand to hold, he's taken care of me and protects me. And I like to think I've done the same for him, but I know I haven't been doing that lately.

"Here you go, I know it's a little early in the day for soup. But I just wanted the comfort. I figured the boys could use it too."

Homemade chicken noodle soup, she must've been up for hours cooking this. Looking at her now, it was hard to tell if she had even slept. Emily looked beautiful and put together as always, but there were small purple bags under her eyes. She sat down with me, trying to force a conversation about the weather, it was windier today, more snow was coming in the mountains overnight but it looked like it would just be in the mountains. It was gone from the floor now, and we were patiently waiting for things to warm up again. But for now it would be like this, the weather as gloomy as we all felt.

I don't know what Sam said, but the boys perked up. A roar of "hell yeahs" and "damn rights" . Their sudden positivity made me smile. The boys got up and came to the kitchen, thanking Emily for cooking and sitting down. It was like a switch had gone off for them, they were back to themselves. For the most part anyway, Paul still looked upset, his jaw slightly tight and his posture stronger than it had been. I looked over at him, trying to get his attention but he just ignored me for the conversation he was having with Jared.

Time passed slowly, and I tried not to think. I helped Emily clear the dishes, the boys took over the living room tv. Leah left to do whatever it is she does.

Paul came over to me in the kitchen, as I was scrolling through my phone, "I've patrol. Are you ready to go?"

"Mhmm." I said getting up.

We walked towards the door, and I reached for his hand. My fingers brushed against the side and instead of grabbing it like he usually does, he move it and proceeded to grab the door. The car ride back was the same as the one here, silent, and I had to admit I wasn't feeling any better about any of it. When he pulled up to the house, I looked at him again and he kept his eyes facing the house. He made no moves to go inside or say goodbye. I leaned over, gently placed a kiss on his cheek before getting out the truck and walking inside.

All I could do for the rest of the day was try to distract myself from overthinking everything.