The Proposal

18 - Royal-ball

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The news of the surrogate being pregnant bothered me. It bothered me more than I cared to admit.

The thought of Nicholas's child now growing in someone else's body was tormenting. It made me wonder how couples managed to do this. I wasn't even together with Nicholas, and I was already feeling like this.

Extremely jealous.

I just couldn't believe or accept that he was going to have a child. I was happy for him, of course, but I wished the circumstances would have been different.

"So, are you ready?" Nicholas asked me. He had decided to announce it to the family in hopes of making them happy and also getting them off his back.

I nodded in response. I wasn't really in the talking mood, and I wanted to avoid conversation as much as I could. Although a question in my mind kept bugging me so I decided to ask.

"Can I ask you a question? I know it's not in my place to ask you, but I can't help it," I said

"Sure, go ahead," he permitted.

"Is this really what you want?" I asked. He just stared at me, maybe not understanding the depth of my question.
"Having a child," I specified.

"I don't know much about you, but I know for a fact that since I met you, you have been trying to please your family. You made a deal with me to please your family. So is that what this is, too? Are you having a child just to please your family, or are you having a child because you want to?" I asked.

He was silent. He seemed to trail off, probably into his thoughts. I watched his expression, it was plain, but I could tell he was thinking about what I asked.

"You know what, you don't need to answer that. I'm sorry for asking. It wasn't my place to ask. " I quickly said when I felt like I had pushed too far.

"It is what I want," he then finally answered, surprising me.
"I think, all my life, I have always done everything for my family, to please them, to fulfil my duties, to make them happy. I did all that without thinking about myself, but for the first time, I felt like I'm doing something for myself."

"I am doing what I love, running my own company, thanks to you. Now I'm about to have a child. If these are the only two things I get in life, then I will be fulfilled.
So no, I'm not doing this for my family, I'm doing this for me, " he finished.

I didn't know why, but the last part of his statement sort of made my heart squeeze in my chest. He had indirectly made it clear to me that he didn't need a woman in his life, and that kinda hurt because I was hoping to be the woman in his life.

"So I guess you are getting everything you want after all," I said half-heartedly. I was also getting everything I wanted, I was an actress, I was doing what I loved, and I was happy. But that was before the things I wanted expanded and included him.

"I guess so," he replied. I bit the inside of my cheeks, not liking the way I felt about everything.

"So shall we?" He asked.

"Yes, I answered.

We stepped out of the room together and went down to the living room. Nicholas sent for Elizabeth and Frederick.