PROMISE

FOURTY-ONE: We're Okay

AMANDA

AS I LISTENED TO Kyle's breathing on the other line, I felt his desperation to hear the words that I was also desperate to say. They were the only thing that made sense in this time it felt like we were slowly growing apart. I listened to his deep intake and exhale of each breath, wishing I could see him.

I was still a bit disturbed from the other night but only one thing stayed true. It was the only guide and light that led the path from my heart to Kyle's. I closed my eyes, gripping my phone as I turned on my side.

"I love you Kyle."

He breathed a huge sigh of relief and I knew that I said the words that were  the exact medicine we both had desperately needed. It put him at ease as much as it did me. I knew how much disturbed he had been when I left him last night. We weren't a hundred percent okay but the last thing I wanted was for Kyle to doubt my feelings for him. Nothing would ever change how much I truly loved him.

"I'm glad that's still the case. I was afraid." His softly spoken words brought me out of my daze. I could feel the fear rolling from him in waves. But now it had lessened.

"Afraid of what?"

I said softly but I already knew what he meant by those words.

"That, it wasn't the case anymore."

Kyle wasn't someone who liked talking about his feelings and opening up about anything. So I knew just how difficult it was for him. I could have laughed at him and dismissed his fear but who better than me to understand exactly how he was feeling.

I have been carrying that fear for years now.

"You're always afraid I'll stop loving you?"

I held my breath. Even if he didn't say it, his next words would have been the confession I was desperate to hear. He loved me. There was no way he didn't. I refused to believe that he didn't. I felt my tears well up at the same time my hope did.

"Yes I am."

He said and tears slowly slid down my face. I closed my eyes again as I welcomed the immense amount of love I felt for the man, come to the surface. I sniffed and I wanted nothing more than to be in his arms in that exact moment.

"That will never happen Kyle. I promise. My heart will never let me."

And I'll never let myself either.

He was the one I needed the most. There was no way I could ever survive being away from him. I barely survived for years. My heart chose him when I was too young to even understand the depth of the feeling. I may have been hurt but I needed him to heal. He was my remedy. He always was.

"And I adore you too Amanda. More than anything. I can't wait until tomorrow so I can finally see you, touch you and kiss you."

More tears ran down my face as I listened to the beat of my heart, stopping to beat in sync with his. I loved the man so much it hurt.

"Me too. I can't wait either." We both remained quiet again, neither of us willing to say anything to disturb the peacefulness between us. I had been restless all night unable to fall asleep. But now I couldn't wait to fall asleep so tomorrow would be here.