PROMISE

THIRTY-FOUR: The Ten Steps

KYLE

YOU KNOW THAT feeling of walking around a few hours before your execution? I had never experienced it before but I did for a whole day. I was sure that's how they felt. It was a terrible feeling. One I wouldn't wish even on my worst enemy.

For some reason I knew something was wrong the moment Samantha started talking to Amanda. I wasn't embarrassed to admit that I nearly passed out when I saw the determination written all over her face.

The woman only had that look when she was ready to bend anyone to her will, be it in the boardroom or anywhere else. I had complete confidence in Amanda. She was capable enough to handle herself but I was anxious about what the two of them would end up uncovering.

It so happened that Amanda was working under Allan's supervision for the week. So that meant I wouldn't get a chance to talk to her unless they came to my department. It was absolute torture not knowing what they actually talked about.

Honesty was always the best policy but it didn't mean anything in this case. It wasn't my best policy when it came to this situation. It didn't escape my notice that telling her everything was probably the right thing to do but I just couldn't.

I couldn't run the risk of losing her. Especially after being with her the way I had been for the past few days. They were the happiest days I had ever been. But now I was anxious to see her. To find out exactly what Samantha wanted to talk to her about. The last thing I wanted was to create a wedge between us.

Amanda was a very patient woman to some degree but she didn't like secrets. She was someone who over shared so letting me keep my secrets went against everything she was. I hated lying to her. In this case withholding important information from her.

She knew I held my secrets very close to my chest. But I didn't like what holding them was doing to her. It was the worst feeling in the world. Especially the guilt that followed with each day that passed.

When the day ended without a single word from Amanda I was definitely sure that things were over between us. For what reason, I didn't know. My panic went over the roof when I found out that she had already left. Without seeing me or telling me anything.

She may have told me that she loved me but there was always a limit to tolerance and whatever Samantha told her must have been the limit.

The silence gnawed at me when I stepped into my house, tired from all the day's work. There was never nothing to do at the hospital. I didn't have the luxury to just have a super chilled day at the office like some people. Everyday was just as busy as the rest if not more. It wasn't the 'bring your kid to work' kind of environment.

I got an incoming text from my sister telling me that my parents were asking me to call them. It was more like a demand rather. I was probably the only eldest brother in the world that had his siblings treating him like he was the youngest. My little sister and Jason were always like that. I let them get away with it when they were kids because they were just so tiny and fragile I was afraid that they would break or something.

But now I just concluded that they were delusional. It was better to act indifferent and nonchalant than to voice out my authority as the eldest. They probably didn't know it but they were still fragile looking beings to me. They probably always will, no matter how much they grew up.