Emilia is a bright and funny person. She has always been like the sun and her life was perfect until that sunshine was covered by a cloud named Mark. Ever since he came into her life nothing was the same and Emilia wasn't the same herself.
Leah is...
In two days is New year's eve. Leah and I spent a day with her family for a Christmas dinner and we really had a good time. I forgot about that message that I got but now it starts to get worse. I still hadn't told Leah. I know she will get mad and will worry about me. I don't want her to worry. I just want us to have fun at New year's eve. I know that a few Arsenal girls want to make a party and Leah and I will probably go there. I want to do this. I want to be happy. But again something is preventing me from being happy. Why is life so unfair to me? I just want to be happy with my girlfriend but instead I have to worry about some random person wanting to harm me. These message starts to make me paranoid.
I'm sitting in the kitchen and just look at the single message that I received. This nickname still triggers everything inside me. Then suddenly I get a notification and another one and another one. Shit shit shit.
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I read over the words. I hear Mark saying this in this controlling and intimidating voice that he has. What if this is really him? He knows about the party and about Leah. How? How can he know all that? Is he here? I look around and outside the window. I suddenly feel so unsafe. I'm not sure about going to that party. If he knows that I'm there he could easily come and get me. I zone out. I just hear his voice repeating in my head. I want to stop thinking about it. Everything comes back. All the pain and suffering that I have forgotten about for months. I feel my breathing getting faster. I lick over my dry lips a few times. I grab the edge of the kitchen counter and try to stabilise my breathing.
Suddenly I hear a sweet voice in the back of my mind. A voice that I always love to hear. I look up and see Leah coming in the room. She seems to be a bit confused at first.
"What's wrong?" She quickens up her pace and comes over at me. I still sit there and can't move. I don't want Leah to see this. She stands next to my chair and wraps her arm around me, softly pulling me into her side.
"Are you okay?" She softly asks. I want to say yes.
"Mhm." I slowly nod.
"Did something happen?" She asks. I don't want her to ask me all that. "I'll help you." She says and my head just rings. I hear her voice in the background. She should stop talking. This just makes me even more stressed.
"What happened?" She asks again. Why can't she stop? I can't take this. Everything she says just makes this worse. I jump up and free myself from her arms.
"Stop asking me these questions all the time. I don't need you to talk me down or comfort me. I don't need you right now, Leah." I scream at her just out of pure overwhelming. Leah seems to be shocked and taken back by my suddenly so harsh reaction. She doesn't deserve this but right now I can't stand her caring for me. I turn around and leave her standing there. She doesn't even try to follow me.
I just go upstairs and sit on the bed. I'm still scared and kind of in my own zone. I lay down and slide under the blanket. I pull the blanket up to my face just to get some feeling of safety into my body. I feel like there is someone watching me and that feels disgusting. I lay on the side and take Leah's pillow. I hug it like it is her and smell on it which is ridiculous considering I just told her I didn't need her. That was obviously not true. I need her. I need her so bad but I don't want to ask her to come here now. I close my eyes and try to calm down. The silence in this room is killing me. I'm on my own here. Anyone could come here and harm me now. I used to be alone all the time and enjoyed it but now I just wish I wouldn't have yelled at Leah. She was so kind to me and I screamed at her. She probably hates me now and will never help me again but maybe that is what I deserve. I didn't deserve her from the start. She is far too good for me.
