Into your arms

Better life

Emilias Pov

After New year's eve I didn't receive another message from Mark... until today.

I'm happy that I didn't see him at the party. Maybe he was just threatening me so I would he scared but he wasn't there in the end. At least I got my kiss from Leah at midnight and a good party with good people. Although Leah's extreme hand holding confused me a bit. I never experienced her that clingy. At least she was around me the entire time so I could make sure that she would be safe.

I'm alone at home as Leah went to her mum. I hate to let her leave the house on her own but I couldn't stop her. I get nervous about her being somewhere without people around her. I hate the time when she is away.
After a while I decide to check my phone and see a message again. Fuck. I thought he would have stopped now. I open it with a sigh.

I read over it and feel myself panicking. He is now fully going onto Leah. I can't let that happen. I need her to be safe and she won't be safe with me. I brought her into this situation. Now this monster wants to hurt her and I can't even do anything about it. I can't let him take her. I need to make sure she is safe. I can never give her safety because Mark will always be around. I love her and I want to be with her but I could never give her the life that she deserves. She would have to live with constant fear. I don't want that for her. It hurts to admit that but her life would be better without me. I need to get away from her. I feel tears in my eyes as I realise what I have to do. I have to leave her. I was hoping for this year to be better. Leah promised me to make it perfect for me and I know she would have done that but I don't want to destroy her life. I love her too much to stay with her.

I think about just leaving and writing her a letter to explain it but I realise that I can't do that. I can't do that to her. I also can't look into her face and break her heart but it's for her best. This will be hard either way. I never thought this would happen. Now Mark officially took everything from me. Leah was all that was left. I want to cry but I have to keep it together now. I just keep sitting on the couch in total silence and wait for Leah. I don't want her to arrive because it will be the last time I'll see her.

I hear the key in the door and Leah coming back. I sigh. I don't move or greet her. I let her come into the room. I keep looking at the ground as I hear her coming in. I don't want to do what I will do now.

"Hey." I hear her happy voice. I could cry. This is so unfair. I slowly lift up my head and look at her. Her smile fades as she sees my face.

"We need to talk." I say in a monotone voice. Leah's face completely drops. She comes over at me and sits next to me. She seems so worried and I can't even say that everything is fine because everything is about to break down.

"What happened?" She asks. I wait for a moment. I need to find words to say this now.

"Leah, I want you to know that I love you and what I'm about to do is not because I don't love you anymore. I want you to be safe and happy. I can't give you that. I put you in danger and could never give you what you deserve. I don't want to mess up your life. You would have a better life without me and that is what I want for you. I hope you find someone who can give you that safety but I am not that person." I stop for a moment and look at her. I don't want to say it. I never thought I would say these words to her. "We don't work out and that is my fault. I'm... I'm breaking up with you." I close my eyes the second I say it and a tear rolls down my cheek. I love her so much and yet I can't keep her in my life. Leah listened to everything that I said with an expressionless face.