Tom Hollland Imagines (Aren't they all?)

In my Blood - Song Imagine

TW: Panic attacks, anxiety

Laying on the bathroom floor,
Feeling nothing
I'm overwhelmed and insecure,
Give me something
I could take to ease my mind slowly
Just have a drink and you'll feel better
Just take her home and you'll feel better
Keep telling me that it gets better
Does it ever?

Y/n knew Tom had anxiety disorder. Nothing could help him except the comforting touch of the one person he often had anxiety about. She could calm him in a heartbeat, but often, she wasn't around. So he was left to himself, gasping for air caused by a panic attack that stemmed from his anxiety. Most of the time he retreated to his bathroom and laid on the floor trying to feel the cold tile against his skin to help him breath. But usually he felt nothing. "Something. Anything." He sometimes muttered. He needed something to help ease his mind. People always told him things would get better. That he just needed to keep trying to get better. Does it though?

Help me,
It's like the walls are caving in
Sometimes I feel like giving up
No medicine is strong enough
Someone help me,
I'm crawling in mt skin
Sometimes I feel like giving up,
But I just can't
It isn't in my blood

"Hello?" A girl's voice rang out, laced with sleep. She had been awoken at three in the morning to take her best friend's phone call.

"Y/n... It---it's me. Help please..." Tom struggled out, still recovering from his attack.

"I'm here Tom."

"No, you're not... You're in Japan. I'm in London. You're not here!" Tom felt his breathing speed up again. He placed a hand on his chest to try and feel his heartbeat. Then there was the thought again. Is she really okay? In Japan, all by herself? Tom felt that sudden sense of lightheadedness as his body began to shake and he felt sweat drip down his face. He suddenly dropped the phone he was holding to wrap his arms around himself in a ball. He thought for sure that this was the time. The time he would die from a panic attack. He was numb all over and pretty sure he stopped breathing all together.

"Talk to me okay? What do you feel?" Her voice on speaker snapped him back into reality. He tried to speak but the words were stuck.

"Like the walls... are caving in... I can't---I can't breath Y/n."

"Did you take your medicine?" She knew Tom was a sucker for skipping his pills.

"No... It doesn't help..." Tom involuntarily let his mind wander. What if Y/n gets hurt and I'm not there to protect her? What if she doesn't want to be my friend after this film cause I'm not the same? They were the worst questions to ask of course.

"Tom?" Hearing his name snapped him out of his non-helpful thoughts.

"I wanna... give up Y/n." He replied suddenly.

"What?"

"I don't want to do it anymore. I don't, I can't." Tom whispered. Tears clouded his vision.

"Yes you can Tom. It's not like you to give up okay? You can't give up, that's not you. Okay?" He nodded, even though he knew she couldn't see him.

Looking through my phone again
Feeling anxious
Afraid to be alone again, I hate this
Trying to find a way to chill,
I can't breathe, oh
Is there somebody who could

Tom sat on his bed scrolling through his texts with Y/n over and over as his anxiety slowly began to build. He had texted her hours ago and she hadn't replied.

Tom:
Heyyyy!
Call me when you get the chance. is everything okay w/ you?
(2:56pm)

Y/n please text me back.
Please?
I need to hear from you
Please...
Y/n???
(5:18pm)

He brushed his fingers over the keyboard as he anxiously waited for a respond. Just then his phone began to buzz and Y/n's caller ID showed up. He breathed a strained breath of relief and answered it. "Tom, I'm sorry I didn't text you back. I meant to, but I got caught up in something..." She trailed off.

"It's fine. Is everything okay?" He asked her quickly, needing to feel somewhat at ease.

"Yeah. Everything okay with you?

"Yes."

"Okay, then if you don't need anything I'm going to go---"

"No! I do need something. Uh, tell me about your day so far." He couldn't let her go, he had just gotten to hear her voice alive and well. On top of that, he was afraid to be alone again. After Harrison had left earlier, he found himself feeling anxious twice as bad. He had an attack that left him unconscious. He didn't want to be left alone again and he hated it.

Help me,
It's like the walls are caving in.
Sometimes I feel like giving up
No medicine is strong enough
Someone help me,
I'm crawling in my skin
Sometimes I feel like giving up,
But I just can't
It isn't in my blood

"Okay... There isn't much. Why don't you tell me about your day instead--- Oh! I gotta' go? I'll call you later. Promise! Love you!" Then Y/n hung up. Tom slowly lowered the phone.

What had happened that caused her to have to go? He knew he was probably over thinking it, but he couldn't help it. He shivered as his skin crawled. "Sometimes I feel like giving up..." He muttered. Then he remembered what Y/n had said to him that morning. It wasn't like him. He couldn't give up, it's not in his blood. "It isn't in my blood..." Maybe he could do this. Yes, he could.

(A/n: Then there's the bridge of the song, but I feel like the fic covers the bridge as well. If that's not how everyone feels let me know.)

A/n: So. I don't like writing these ones where the real life person is really vulnerable. But for the sake of this book that's exactly what I did. The only reason why wrote this one is because people struggle with this everyday. It's really common. So... Yeah. If you are one of those common people don't give up. You'll get there eventually.