If Loving You Is Wrong

Casha

2 months have went by and my stomach is getting bigger and bigger each day. Today's my doctor appointment. I shoot a text Jr and remind him. Although we still aren't on the best of terms, I've learn to be cordial with him unless he takes me there.

I look down at me phone and he's calling me, "Hello?" "You wanna ride with me?" "I guess that's fine." "Alright be outside in 5." "Okay." I hang up. I pack my lil goodie bag up and go out the door. Jr pulls up as soon as I finish locking the door. He gets out and opens the door for me.

"Good morning Casha." "What's up? I say getting in. "How are you today?" "I'm good. You?" "I'm straight." "Cool." His old song comes on the radio and he cuts it up.

It took me back to our date at the ice cream shop when I found out it was his song. The memory of us makes me smile. "You remember this song?" He asks smiling looking over at me. "Yes." "Damn... I miss you Cay." I don't say anything. But the truth is I sort of miss him too.

We arrive at the doctor and we're able to go straight back thank God. The doctor lets us hear the heartbeat. It's crazy yet amazing to know I'm carrying another person inside of me. I look over at Jr smiling who's from ear to ear. "Well your next visit you'll be almost halfway there." The doctor says wipping the gel off my stomach. She and Jr help me up.

I grab my bag and start munching on my beef jerky. "Oh no these are horrible and very high in sodium." The doctor says grabbing my bag and throwing it away. I know she did not just throw my stuff away. "Try eating some dried fruits and fresh fruit." She says before leaving out. I don't want no damn dried fruit bitch, I want my jerky. Jr looks at me and laughs. I don't find anything funny. I get up off the table and we leave out.

He stops by the store before we go to Rico's. He comes out with a bag full of stuff. He gets in and hands me the bag. "What's this?" I ask "It's yours." I open the bag and see some beef jerky and a bunch of other stuff. "Thanks." "Anything for you...." Yeah, yeah, yeah that's the same shit you use to tell me.

We get to Rico's house. I've been over here for a while since Rico found out I was pregnant. Man I thought he was over protective before, shit is crucial now. Jr walks me to the door. "Alright Cay. I'll see you later." "Okay Jr." "I love you Casha never forget that." I don't respond but I go in the house and sit my bag on the table.

"How did today go?" Rico asks coming in the kitchen. "It went good we were able to hear the heartbeat." He smiles, "Damn Cay who knew it would be you." "I know right." "Did you actually talk to Jr when y'all went?" "Yeah I rode with him to the appointment." "Y'all got along right?" "We're cordial." "Finally we're making some improvement."

"Yeah, it still hurts tho Rico.. Like as much as I don't want to I still love this man and I'm trying to let everything go but that night just replays in my head over and over and over again. I feel like the whole relationship was a lie. I gave him my all and that night happens, finding out about her, it's like a slap in the face. How do you get over some shit like that?"

"Time heals all wounds love. You don't get over it overnight but eventually you'll be able to look back and smile. But you can't keep harboring the anger, you have to let it go and move past it. A step towards healing, isn't as easy as it sounds I know, but Cay you have to forgive him. It's not just you anymore it's you and the child inside of you. Y'all gone have to do what y'all got to do as parents. What I can say is from the talks me and him have... that man is still in love with you. He adores you and when a nigga almost goes into tears talking to his homie... The shit has to be serious. He hates what he did and he's living with the consequences of his actions."

"I honestly feel like that's some bullshit." "He's trying Cay. He's balancing you and her." "Who would take him back after all of that?" "Love makes you do some crazy things. When your really down for a nigga you're going to ride till the wheels fall off. If you were her do you think you would do the same thing?" He asks getting up. I hate it when he's right. "Rico." "Yeah Cay?" "Thank you for never saying I told you so." He smiles and walks out.