DIRT: the grunge diaries - Bessie's diary

Entry 136 - Sex as a Weapon

WARNING! Mention of drug and drug use.

Bessie

"Babe..." I hear, gently waking me up from the nap I didn't know I was fully immersed in.

"I gotta go to Soundcheck." Jerry continues, softly, as if not to startle me. I won't lie when I say his voice with this softness calms me. I stir a little and lift my head from Jerry's shoulder, still partly asleep.

"Huh?" I respond, gradually waking up and rubbing my eyes.

Jerry looks at me and smiles at my half a sleep daze and chuckles deeply, meanwhile I'm still trying to understand what the heck is happening.

"You're so fucking cute." He says, cupping my cheek in his right hand, caressing my skin with his thumb. I fall into his touch, and lean into his hand more. That's when I wake up a little more and smile at him.

"Can't we stay like this a little longer?" I ask, enjoying whatever this is.

For the first time, I have some kind of connection with Jerry that isn't sex related, but more on an emotional level. It's strange, like I've unlocked a side to him that I never knew existed. His eyes are soft and I can see the love he has for me in them. I never noticed how beautiful his blue eyes were until now. Sure we've fucked, looking at each other, but depending on the position and the lighting, his eye colour isn't something I focus on during our passionate trusts.

Jerry moves closer and gently kisses me, softly. When he backs away I long for another taste of him, like he's teasing me with that delicate peck, I never knew he had in him.

"I wish we had more time before this rehearsal." He says, brushing a strand of my hair behind my ear. "My beautiful Bess..." He smiles.

Okay, I'm not his and I have repeatedly told him this time and again, but DAMN, the way he's being so sweet with me, I can only let him get away with him calling me his, in his moment.

I lean closer to him and kiss him, straddling his lap, as my right hand holds onto his shoulder, while my left hand rubs His chest slightly, applying a little bit of pressure, as we make out.

I'm fully awake now and I'm aware of what I'm doing, pleasing Jerry, knowing that he is enjoying every moment. I feel his length grow beneath me as we share slow, but intimate kisses.

After a few minutes, I stop kissing him and back up a little, looking at Jerry, trying to figure out what he wants.

I see the passion in his eyes, like he would fuck me right here.

"Have enough time for a quick one?" I smirk.

Jerry smiles and places his hand on the side of my upper arm, rubbing it slowly, caressing it with care.

"We don't have to do anything. That's not why I sat with you, that's not the reason I'm here. I'm here because I know the day, I know how fucking hard it is when it's the anniversary of someone's death, especially when they meant a lot to you. I need you to know that. I didn't come here for sex." Jerry states, and my heart melts a little. What is happening with me?

"I'm sorry, I just....it makes me feel better. Like a coping thing. I guess that's why I do what I do. It takes the pain away." I reply.

"That's a good thing babe, if it helps you, I just don't want to take advantage. Not when you just woke up and you are dealing with these memories." Jerry states.

I nod and agree with him.

Wow, Jerry Cantrell. The guy can be a grade A dick sometimes, but I never knew he had this caring side back there in his heart, he's pretty good at it too.

"Can I join you at Soundcheck?" I ask.

"Sure." He replies, grabbing a cigarette from his pocket and lighting it. "Mind if I take a bump?"

He holds up the baggy of the Devil's Flour and I smirk.

"Sure, if you let me..." I say.

"Fuck yeah babe....you take a hit first." Jerry says as he sprinkles some on the table.

He lines it up for me with his credit card, and I block one of my nostrils with my finger pressing down on the side of my nose, I bend over and sniff the drug up my other nostril.

I feel an immediate high, and a slight itch where the powder has entered through my nose. I rub it with the back of my hand and let it take hold. I know tomorrow I will have one heck of a headache. As I mentioned before, cocaine gives me the worst migraines, but I needed that hit today, more than most.

Jerry snorts some white stuff himself, while I sort myself out, and sit on the end of the bed.

After he's taken a hit, he sits next to me and kisses my neck gently, making me a puddle.

"Please...." I whimper. "Fuck me."

He laughs into his kisses on my bare skin, knowing exactly how I feel, as I notice his tenting member, beneath his pants.

"Soundcheck is in 15, I have to get going." He responds, like the soundcheck is the bane of his existence.

"Okaaay." I pout, playfully. "I'll quickly get ready." I say, getting up and heading to the bathroom.

A few minutes later, I return with black liner on my eyes, in the perfect cat eye flick, mascara and some red lipstick. I decide to wear some skimpy denim 'overalls' that are cut into more of a hot pant style from the waist down, with a white crop top underneath the top part, and I pair with some docs.

"This okay?" I ask.

"Fuck babe....if we weren't heading to this thing, I'd take you right now." Jerry says. The cocaine in our systems takig hold and somewhat taking control of what we say. Everything we say is a lot more sexual towards each other when we've both taken a hit, and it's always been that way.

"I want you to fuck me in the dirtiest, scummiest place....while I scream your name....and you pull my hair back. Please daddy....I need it." I say, riling him up, knowing that he is determined to get to this Soundcheck on time.

"Jesus fucking Christ Bess. After Soundcheck....I fucking promise, you won't be able to walk for a week." He states. "I'll pound that pussy so hard..."

I bite my bottom lip at the sound of his words, turning me on to no end.

"I'll hold you to that.....daddy...." I smirk.

I grab my bag and walk towards the door, getting a little spank on my ass as I do.

I open the door and walk out and look back at him to see him stare at me, eyes lustful and that grin that only he can do.

"I thought you had Soundcheck?" I tease, playfully.

Jerry nods as if to say 'touche' and follows.