Deciding Us (KENTIN Au)

27.

"Let me go. I need to pee," he whines when Ken tightens the hug. He tried to push him away but the guy didn't budge. "Ken, please," he pleads, hoping it will works. Not long after, the arms loosen so he quickly runs to the toilet.

He returns to the bed to see Ken is still asleep, lying straight. There is few hours more for the sun to rise, his heart is beating rapidly out of nervousness. He lies back on the mattress, giving himself time to calm down and fall asleep again. He hates to admit that it's hard to do so because of the absence of certain skinship.

Is it wrong to be comfortable of it, with what's going on between them?

He turns to face Ken, pulling the blanket tighter to his body. Enjoying his sharp facial structure for a moment before he closes his eyes. He stays freeze when he feels the movement of Ken turning his body, which he hopes the guy turned his back to him. He is about to take a peek of Ken's new position when he feels the rise and low of his chest.

"You know you can just ask for a hug, right?" Ken's deep voice breaks the silence. The kiss on top of his head is enough to make him returns the hug, enjoying this moment while it last.

• • • • •

They just send off their moms, wishing for a safe drive after they had breakfast together. Ken asked him for a last talk, which is why he returns back to the house instead of drives back to his new place.

"I know you moved out from here, but don't you want to think about it again? Can't you just stay here?" Ken asks, eyes on him. "It's impossible, Ken. You can't expect me to stay here after the divorce so I need to prepare for it," he answers.

There is less tension between them, unlike when they talked about it few days ago. In fact, he hates those negative emotions when they can just discuss about in calm manner.

"Be honest, do you really want the divorce? What was the reason?"

Justin sighs with the ridiculous questions. It seems like the guy tries to gaslight him. "Yes, I really do. I'm doing this for Jade. I don't want to ruin your relationship with her anymore. I think these 7 months hurted her so much, I don't want to prolong it."

"Before the divorce is officially declared, you can assume this period forwards as pre-divorce. As I mentioned, we'll only meet each other during family gatherings. Other than that, we'll mind our own business in peace."

"Is it clear already?" he adds when he sees Ken stares at him blankly.

"Don't you think the decision will hurt both of us? You've been saying it is for Jade, but do you want this to happen?"

The question silences him. He knows the answer but this is the best decision he can think about, before he falls deeper and hurts even more.

"What did Jade told you about me and her? I knew you both somehow met each other because you seemed to know a lot when I rarely mentioned about her. You owed me that explanation," Ken reminds.

Justin chooses to remain silent to not break his promise to Jade. He doesn't know what will happen to her later if he discloses their meet to Ken.

"You heard her side, although I'm not sure what she told you. But this is my side. I'll let you be the judge later."

"We met two years ago, when she was a waitress and spilled coffee on me. We became friends until she confessed her feelings on me. We started to date a month before our marriage. I told her that our marriage won't affect the relationship because it is only paper."

Ken takes a deep breathe before continue his words. "I thought 2 years of friendship is enough to love someone, it shouldn't be that hard but it did. I forced myself to admit that I am in love with her, not until that dinner at my parents."

"If you truly love the first one, you won't have the second choice, she advised. I had lots of thoughts about it, I was confused."

"When you mentioned about divorce at the car service center, I know there is no happy ending for us. You were so eager to do it for Jade, saying that our genuine feelings worth more than our forced marriage. I know I told you I'll think about the divorce but I'm also doubting either what Jade and I had are genuine like you claimed."

"Was it?" Justin bravely asks.

"It wasn't, unfortunately. I told her about it few weeks ago so we can break off the relationship but she doesn't take it well. I need to give her some time to process."

"Oh," he replies. It is still a lot for him to take, considering he heard from both sides.

"Do you still want the divorce, considering you knew there will be no Jade anymore in our relationship?" He looks over to Ken, his face looks nervous.

"Sooner or later, we'll still have to divorce. We can't be in this marriage forever, with no feelings to each other," Justin finishes off the talk. He reaches for the access card in his bag and places it on the table.

"Thank you for letting me stay here for these past few months. I am sorry for all the inconveniences and troubles I did during the stay. I made sure I left nothing behind, but you can text me if I did. I got to go."

Standing up, he pulls his luggage to the front door. "You don't need to send me off downstairs. I need my time alone," he says once Ken starts to approach him.

"Justin," Ken calls out when he opens the door. The guy stands close to him, that he can feels his breathe on his face. Closing his eyes, he is ready for a goodbye hug. Instead, his forehead meets Ken's lips.