Alejandro's Hombre

Ch. 26: Aftermath

"Xands, hey..."

Xander drowsily stretched his limbs as he felt someone gently shaking him awake. He yawned and look up, seeing Chandler standing beside the sofa he's sleeping on.

"Chan. what time is it?"

"it's half past 10 in the morning." Chandler replied. "are you hungry? sabay na tayong kumain. 'lika na."

He got up and sluggishly followed his cousin, picking his flip phone from the coffee table---and he was surprised to see his notifications being flooded, all coming from his social media accounts---Instagram and Twitter.

"Xander? You okay there, buddy?"

Chandler called him, and he chose to ignore those things. he already had a clue what's going on.

He sit on one of the bar stools, placing his smartphone on the marble counter. Chandler is busy with preparing their meal when his notification bell pinged again and again.

"Khairie went ahead, he had an event to attend early this morning." Chandler said, placing the plate with his favorite tuna mayo omelet and quinoa salad. "I have a surgery today, and if you---wait, kanina pa yang cellphone mo na ganyan. did you..."

"no, I didn't posted anything yet." he replied, glancing at the gadget with it's glowing screen. but he didn't paid attention to it. "She did, I guess."

Chandler sit across him and pick his phone. napailing ito ng makita ang dami ng notifications doon. Chandler put the phone back down.

"what are your plans now? kung anuman yan, you can always count on us to support you all the way. pwede ring wag ka munang pumasok ngayon to sort things out."

Xander sighed and just stared at his plate. his taste buds are absent this day, it seems---and his appetite is gone. He could feel his eyes stinging again and tears roll down his cheeks.

" I don't know, Chan. I don't fucking know what to do. gusto kong manumbat, gusto kong itanong sa kanya kung bakit nya ko nagawang ipagpalit sa iba. kung bakit..." his voice quivered. His hands balled into a fist, his chest feels congested. sunod-sunod na ang patak ng kanyang mga luha. "kung bakit nya 'ko nagawang saktan ng ganito. ano ba talagang nagawa ko, saan ba talaga ako nagkamali? saan ako nagkulang?"

Chandler stood up and gave his cousin the best hug he could give. It's the only thing he could do for him, because he's aware that there's nothing he could've done to ease Xander's pain. it's so ironic to him that they're heart doctors and heart surgeons, yet he has no remedy for heart problems like this. kung pwede nga lang inuman ng gamot ang broken heart para gumaling, ginawa na nya.

"I already said this before and I'll say it again now, Xander." he said, sitting beside his cousin, looking into Xander's tired, hurting eyes. "wala kang naging pagkukulang. sya ang hindi nakuntento sa 'yo. sya ang nahanap ng iba, sya ang sumira sa inyong dalawa. the bullshit reality of it, cousin, is this--- people like Amethyst chose to see what is missing, than appreciate what is already there."

Xander cried even more and he doesn't give a damn about people saying that men don't cry. that it's a sign of weakness for a man like him to grieve over something, like breaking up from a failed relationship. to shed a tear over a woman who broke his heart, shattered his dignity and trampled on his worth. He looked like a mess with his tear-stained face, crimson nose and cheeks.

"let it all out, Xander. don't left any residue inside, any remnants. if you wanna shout, go ahead. sound proof itong penthouse ni Khairie kaya walang makakarinig sa 'yo. Ilabas mo yan hanggang sa gumaan ang loob mo, hanggang sa wala ka ng sakit na mararamdaman. and after that, try your best to clear your mind. kapag malinaw na ang isip mo, dun ka lang makakagawa ng tamang desisyon."

Xander pushed his plate away from him and folded his arms on the marble counter, laying his head on it. marahang tinapik ni Chandler ang balikat nya saka ito tumayo at niligpit na lang ang kanya sanang pagkain. patuloy pa rin sa pagtunog ang notification bell ng cellphone nya, but he didn't bothered to open it. and he won't. wala na syang pakialam kahit pa ma-drain ang battery nito.

"dito ka na lang muna, ako na ang kakausap kay Gift to cancel all your appointments and workload for today." he heard Chandler said. He just simply nodded. "if you wanna eat, just microwave your food. I'll go head, Xands."

the door of the unit closed, leaving him with the silence. dito pa mas tumindi ang kahungkagang nararamdaman nya, ngayong sya na lang mag-isa. it's true what they say that silence could kill you sometimes---for it is in silence that you'll be reminded of the things, and the people you lost. the feelings that are slowly fading, of the love that is no longer there.

He got up from the marble counter and lean on the bar stool, looking up at the high ceiling. the Swarovski chandelier looks beautiful, but he can't appreciate it now. everything his eyes can see looks empty.

"Alexa, will you play a song for someone... who's feelings are gone?"

|sure. Here's Kyla's hit song that i find suitable for your request. this song is titled "if the feeling is gone".|

the Amazon AI replied, and a song's intro filled the whole penthouse unit that came from its built-in HD Dolby sound system. the quiet atmosphere made it even more painful to hear.

If the feeling is gone, please don't pretend that you still love me

I can see it in your eyes
and it hurts to admit it

I can't tell if the feeling is gone...

He could still recall how sweet they were when they're in an overseas messenger video calls; how endearing she was with him, telling him how much she loves him and that he's the only man she'll ever love. how they promised to each other that it'll be the two of them until the end---and how he envisioned to see her in a white dress, walking towards him at the end of the red-carpeted aisle.

All I ask is just a little honesty
though I know, that you're not coming back to me
You know, I'll do anything to make you stay
but I just have to let you go,
If the feeling is gone....

He would've forgiven her despite everything, he would have begged for her to stay. but, he realized---that all along, it wasn't him that she needed. napagtanto nya na sya na lang yata ang kumakapit pa sa kanilang dalawa... dahil ito, matagal ng bumitaw sa relasyon nila. that unborn child in her womb is the living proof that it's not him. It's no longer him anymore.

His hands are shaking, but he managed to pick up his smartphone. He tap the Twitter app first---and deactivated it. He then go to Instagram... and see her profile. He stared at her beautiful face for a while, his eyes are blurry with tears again. He wipe it with the back of his hand and took a deep breath. His thumb finger grazed on one particular button---

and tap it.

He didn't wasted any time and go through his account, and deactivated it, too. He's trembling inside, but he also felt a sense of relief. He did not bothered to look at her post, stories and anything she does online. He doesn't even care anymore of the aftermath of deactivating all of his social media accounts, knowing that it'll also affect his ambassadorship with those luxury brands he endorses.

because as of this moment, he's already feeling the aftermath of what Amethyst did to him. He's badly hurted, betrayed and cheated on. hindi lang puso nya ang dinurog nito, kundi ang buo nyang pagkatao.

He go to his contacts and sent her a message for the last time. He knew now what he must do.

"meet me at the Swan Lake City. We need to talk."

he tap it send and turn his phone off.

He wasted a decade and a year of his life  for something that was ruined for  a short period of time.

It's hard. It'd be painful.

but now, he has to close the windows.

no matter how beautiful the view is.
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