Alejandro's Hombre

Ch.52: The ghost of You

"feelings that came back
are feelings that never left..."
---Frank Ocean

"Baby, why do i still cry for you?
I'm dying to get close to you
Oh baby, why do i  still fear to face
the ghost of you?"
---the ghost of you, Michael Learns to Rock
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Gabriel almost dropped his expensive camera if his reflexes were not fast enough to hold on to its strap. daig nya pa ang nasemento ang mga paa sa lupa dahil hindi sya makagalaw. tila nabingi rin ang kanyang mga tenga dahil wala na syang halos marinig sa paligid, maliban sa napakalakas na tibok ng kanyang puso.

limang taon.

at sa loob ng napakahabang panahon na iyun, ipokrito sya kung sasabihin nyang hindi ito sumagi man lang sa isip nya. naiisip nya pa rin ito, sa mga pagkakataong nag-iisa sya sa kanyang tinitirhan at wala syang makausap. naiisip nya ito sa mga pagkakataong nakakaramdam sya ng pangugulila---sa mga pagkakataong naaalala nya ang mga bagay sa nakaraan.

ngunit dahil sa hinanakit nya noon, idagdag na ang pride nya---binabalewala nya ito. He would immediately dismiss any thoughts of Him, and Gabriel would remind himself why he left in the first place. His mind would automatically made him recall how this person lied to him, made him a fool and how this person's family destroyed his entire life. it's like an alarm that instantly goes off everytime his subconscious thoughts wanders to Him---telling him that he must forget about this person, for good. that he shouldn't even be thinking about him.

but right now---what he's seeing blew his mind off completely. nothing prepared him for this thing---no one told him about this. He felt betrayed, for he could feel that his friends knew about this place... and Him being here.
His hands balled into a fist. He's too stunned to speak, his mind is in chaos, his system is in wreck. He can't think properly, he can't even will his mouth to say something. He just stood there looking like a fool, staring at the one he let go years and years ago.

"sinong nandyan? didn't the staff told you that this area is off-limits to the guests?" tanong nito, which flabbergasted Gabriel even more. bakit ito nagtatanong ng ganito, gayung magkaharap lang sila halos? hindi ba sya nito nakikita?

"please, kindly go back if you're a guest. this area is private, you must not set foot here."

Gabriel is fucking confused as to what the hell is going on. why is he asking those questions, when he's just literally standing here infront of him? what is he talking about?

Gabriel took another step---and he did one thing he thought is the silliest thing he'd do.

He waved his hand infront of his former lover's eyes. He did it over and over again, back and forth. then again. and again.

nothing happened. the guy didn't even reprimanded him. He didn't budged, nor did he said a thing.

bukas ang mga mata nito---ngunit hindi sya nito nakikita.

Gabriel then looked down, and saw the thing that sealed his doubt and theory.

a white mobility cane. Alexander is holding something on his right hand that Gabriel didn't noticed before. a device, a tool that only those who are visually impaired would use.

Gabriel took a step back, he almost staggered as he did so. nawindang ang buong pagkatao nya sa nasaksihan, sa kanyang nalaman. hindi nya kailanman inisip, inakala na ganito ang makikita nya. It's worst than finding his ex-lover dead. He keeps on shaking his head, and without another word---

He run. he sprinted his way through the giant stalks of Sunflowers and headed straight to the restaurant. kailangang may magpaliwanag at alam nya kung sino ang dapat gumawa nun.