Alejandro's Hombre

Ch.56: into the light once again

"the beginning is always today."
---Mary Shelley

"nothing in the universe can stop you from letting go and starting over."
---Guy Finley

"If you want to fly, give up everything that weighs you down."
---Anonymous
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Xander wanted to say something, he wants to talk. but he can't. but instead, he chose to be mum. He could've said anything, but he chose not to.

"I'm wishing you all the best. thank you for letting me in here, though alam kong nakukulitan ka na sa 'kin." Gabriel said. "I'm going back to the states tomorrow. I won't be a bother to you from now on. I'm really sorry, Xander. for everything."

Xander just nodded. He turned away, as he felt his tears rolling down his face. He wipe it away and took a deep breath.

"can I see Jordan before I go?" Gabriel ask. "and I'd like to take a photo of him, if you'll allow me. Just a little memento, if that's okay."

"s-sure. go ahead."
He replied. He could hear Gabriel smile.

"thank you. and lastly," Gabriel said. "can I shake your hand? I want us to part ways in good faith. gusto ko sanang umalis na magaan sa loob nating dalawa. if it's not too much to ask, I'd like us to go in our ways as friends."

Friends.

Xander couldn't understand his heart, the way he feels. hindi nya maintindihan kung bakit tutol ang puso nya, kung bakit hindi pa rin sya masaya. ito naman ang gusto nyang mangyari, kaya bakit ramdam nya ang paga-alinlangan ng kanyang damdamin?

"hindi na kailangan. I-if you want to go, just go." he said, biting his lip as he tries so hard not to sob. His heart feels so hurt, he yearns for him, he doesn't want him to go. but his pride, his ego---is the one who holds him in. His fear took over him.

" Oh. I understand. I'll be off then." Gabriel said, his voice sounds so down. "goodbye."

Xander heard Gabriel's retreating footsteps. His knees gave way and he fell on the ground, clutching his cane.
this time, he let himself cry.

"Kuya Xander!"

Gemini rushed to his side worriedly. Xander held unto the young man's hand, his whole body trembling.

"okay lang po kayo? kaya nyo pong tumayo?"

"Y-yes. Okay lang ako, Gemini." he said. "I just... I just need to be alone. can you feed Jordan for me? huwag mo na rin syang palabasin dito sa field, please."

"sige po." ani Gemini. "tulongan ko na po kayo, Kuya. kapit lang po kayo sa 'kin."

Gemini assisted him to get up. The good-natured young man dusted his pants and help him get to his private nook in the Sunflower fields. umalis na ito and Xander just sit there, his head up, feeling the Sun's warm light.
at least this Sun was always there for him, and won't ever leave.

The other sun, the sun that he loved deeply for so long---is leaving once again. ganun talaga siguro ang buhay ng tao. nobody really stays. people, as they do---come and go. You can't hold them back if they really want to leave.

but can he blame Gabriel for leaving again this time?

He chuckled.

was he so hard on him? was he wrong that he didn't gave him the second chance that he asked, and letting the pain He's been through dictate his feelings?

He could hear the voices of the farm visitors, on how happy they are. the giggles of the children, the playful noises that they make as they ran around the field. This field that he developed to bring out happiness to anyone who will see the Sunflowers. that just like these flowers, one just has to look up so that the shadows will just fall behind you---so it won't hinder your eyes in seeing the light.