John and Marlena (Finally) Get a Q!

Chapter 4: Mistakes....

Marlena sat in the darkened bedroom. The clock glowed reproachingly in the darkness. It was two-thirty and sleep seemed no closer. Every time she closed her eyes the nights events replayed across her eyelids, rewinding and fast-forwarding like an out-of-control video player. Eugene, Kristen, John, Eugene....

She hit the pillow with a cry of frustration.

She sat for a couple of moments and then slipped out of bed. Collecting her robe, she went into the kitchen and switched the jug on. Going to open the fridge she paused and grinned at Belle's latest artistic effort on the fridge. She wished Belle was here. She had missed her so much she wanted to spend every single minute she could with her beautiful daughter. Taking a carton out of the fridge she made a pot of tea and sat at the table. Putting her chin in her hand she looked out of the window. The moon cast shadows over the street, but it didn't hold the answers she searched for.

She started as she heard a soft noise at the door. She turned around to see Q.

"Can't sleep?" she asked quietly.

"Uh-uh." He shook his head. "Today has been rather unusual." She patted the seat next to her and he joined her at the table.

"Cup of tea?" He nodded his head, and she got another cup. They sat in companionable silence for a while. Eventually, Q broke the stillness.

"You told me about how you and Roman came back to Salem. But what happened after that?" His probing was gentle but insistent. "Roman isn't here and tension between you and John is plain to see."

Marlena closed her eyes. They'd had a discussion earlier about her return to Salem and she'd hoped then that she'd avoided the question of her relationship with John, but he wasn't going to let it go so easily.

She took a breath and began. "When I returned, John, we still thought he was Roman then, was engaged to Isabella. John and I found Roman and when we discovered that it really was him, things were thrown into turmoil. When it finally settled down, I think John and I fell into our former relationships almost by default. Isabella was pregnant and Roman wanted to come back and carry on his life as if nothing had happened. John and I... both tried to fool ourselves into thinking we were happy with the situation." She played with the ring on her finger. "It all started to fall apart when Isabella died. John was in such pain, and I just wanted to help him. Things started to get complicated between us and John decided to go to Europe." She let out a breath and turned her pain-filled eyes to him. "I couldn't let him go. I felt like he was taking a part of me and that I'd never be fully alive again. I went to the airport and found him on his plane. One thing led to another....." Her voice cracked. "I've made so many bad decisions. I never wanted to hurt anyone."

The tears began to fall. Q took her hand in his.

"Don't regret what you cannot change Marlena. You followed your heart and that is not a crime." She used her free hand to wipe her face.

"It may not be a crime Eugene, but what John and I did hurt a lot of people. I betrayed Roman's trust and Sami's too." She was still, letting the undercurrent of their history trickle between them. "I fell pregnant and I didn't know whose child I was carrying."

"John's?" Q's question was almost rhetorical. Marlena nodded, wrapping her hands around the teacup. She let the tears fall and they were absorbed into the softness of her robe.

"She was the only good thing to come out of the whole sorry mess." She sniffed and then shivered, the cool evening air seemingly invasive against her skin.

"And so...?" Q wanted to know how this story had played out. Particularly in light of what had happened this evening.

"And so," Marlena's breath caught, as though the painful memories were blocking her throat, unwilling to let the words pass. The moment faded and she was free of the constriction again. "And so, Roman found out and he left. John moved on with his life and..." She faltered. "And here I am."