John and Marlena (Finally) Get a Q!

Chapter 50 - Close Encounters

John crossed his arms in front of him and wandered along the lake shore. There was so much that he would change if only he could have the chance to do it all over again. After that plane crash, he would search for her until he had found her, however long that took. He would have found her, and he never would have let her out of his arms, much less his sight ever again.

He had been so stupid to think he could replace her. In his life and in his heart, she was the only one who would ever fit the space. Roman had come back and John had just given her up, just walked away, thinking he was doing the right thing. He knew now he should have fought for her with everything he had. But like so many times he had done what he had thought was right for her and everyone else.

He thought back to the day they had said the final goodbyes to their marriage and relationship down in Chichen Itza. They had just discovered that Isabella was pregnant, and everything had fallen into place. Or so they had thought. Deciding to end it then without resolving their feelings had just led to more pain and heartache for everyone, most of all, the one person he had never wanted to hurt, Marlena.

He had lost everything else, and he had let her slip away along with all the other facets of his life that were so important to him. He remembered that conversation like it had been yesterday. He had not wanted to let go of her. "I don't have any memories of my own, and the ones I do have I'm supposed to forget." Marlena had shaken her head softly, obviously feeling his pain. "No. Don't forget it. Just think of this as a journey, and this was a place that you stopped, along the way. And then you moved on." She had sounded so convincing, like it would all be so easy, just to forget their life and their love together and make new lives. Still, she had almost reduced him to tears when he had told her that he had loved her.

"I loved *you*..." she had whispered, tears in her eyes, "...love...you." And then that had been it. The end of their love. At least that was what they had tried to tell themselves.

John sighed and wiped away the tear that clung to his cheek. The past was the past. He couldn't keep torturing himself over things that he couldn't change. He had done some terrible things and he had hurt Marlena badly, but he knew their love was strong enough to make it past those obstacles. He just had to work out how to make Marlena see that too.

******

Q's chest thumped as he shook his head vehemently at Marlena's words. This was going to be even worse than he had imagined. The last thing he had wanted was for her to feel so sorry for him that she'd do this. His eyes filled with tears of humiliation, and he bowed his head, desperately trying to hide his weakness from her.

"Please don't Marlena," he whispered. "That just makes it worse."

"Wha...?" Marlena looked down at his bowed head, a little confused, not yet understanding the extent of Q's insecurities. Her brow wrinkled a little. "Gene, I don't understand."

"Of course you don't," Q's laugh was harsh and self-deprecating. "I don't even understand." He took a deep breath and stared at down at her perfect hand, still gently covering his clumsy, human ones. "I told you I didn't want your pity, Marlena. I never meant to burden you with this, and I can't bear the thought that...." He trailed off, unable to bring to voice the words that floated awkwardly in his head.

"Oh..." Marlena looked at him, aching for his pain. She understood perfectly now. He thought she was offering herself out of pity and embarrassment. That she would sleep with him because she felt sorry for him.

Without a sound, she knelt before him on the carpeted floor.

"Gene," she looked up at his face and discovered that there were tears on his cheeks. She felt a pang as she realized that it had been years since she had seen him cry. Gently she lifted her fingers to his cheeks and traced the path of his tears. "Gene, now I think it's *you* who doesn't understand." She smiled as she smoothed away the moisture. "I didn't say that out of pity or because I was embarrassed or anything else. I said it because it's the truth." She saw the confusion in his eyes as her words sank in. "Gene, when you told me that you wanted me, it made me realize something that I hadn't admitted to myself before. Not fully. It's true. I am attracted to you and I *do* want you. It's as simple as that."