John and Marlena (Finally) Get a Q!

Chapter 92 - Retrospective

Marlena felt as though her heart might break as she watched John, still and silent in his hospital bed. There was no movement, no hint that he might have heard her words, her frantic pleas and she was once again faced with the possibility that this might be it. The last time she would ever see his beloved face.

The lyrics of a song came to her as she sat holding his icy hand in hers. It would be like living without being alive, without you. She couldn't think of a more apt way to describe the way she felt right now. The way she felt when he was not part of her life. She loved Roman and she loved Gene, but John brought sunlight and color and laughter and tears to her life in the way that no one ever had before and no one had since. And she knew without a doubt that no one ever would do in the future.

She could live without him, yes. But she would never be truly happy. She knew that now.

"Baby," she whispered in a voice filled with longing. "John, please don't give up on me now. Please don't give up on *us*."

A noise at the door diverted her attention and she turned to find Mike standing there with sympathy in his eyes.

"Marlena," he said quietly, "a half hour is long since up."

"But Mike...." She looked up at him imploringly.

"No buts," he shook his head. "You promised me. Faithfully remember? You and John both need your rest."

Tears filled her eyes as she nodded and then she turned back to John. Bringing his hand up to her lips, she pressed a sad, tender kiss onto his curled fingers.

"I love you," she whispered before she lay his hand back on the bedclothes.

Mike helped her from the chair, and she turned for one final glimpse of John before she left the room.

He was still unmoving.

******

Marlena! John searches with frantic eyes into the darkness, but he can see nothing. Around him, the field fades into nothingness but he doesn't notice. Doc! Where are you? He takes a step further into the darkness and strains to hear something, anything, in the silence. But there is nothing to hear in the void that yawns toward him.

He turns back to Gabe.

Was I imagining it? He shakes his head, unwilling to believe it. Where is she, Gabe? What is going on?

John might be wrong, but he thinks he sees a speculative gleam in his guide's eyes.

She is on earth, John. It is just as I have told you. Gabe cannot tell John that Marlena sits by his side in the hospital. That would make his decision too easy. That would not test John at all.

John, there is something that might help you make up your mind. He waves his hand in front of him and the emptiness dissolves into a swirl of colors and shapes.

******

Marlena closed her eyes and leaned against the wall outside the small room as Mike wandered off to find a nurse. She couldn't believe she was here, in this kind of predicament. The last few months had just been such a blur and confusion of events and emotions that she could hardly work out how she and John had gotten to this moment. She supposed it didn't matter at this point. They couldn't undo the mistakes they had made, they could only try not to repeat them. Assuming they were given the chance to try again.

She sighed and ran a weary hand over her pale face. Inside her, John's baby stirred, gently reminding her of its existence. She smiled a gentle, peaceful smile and laid her hand across her belly. In response, the baby fluttered inside her again.