John and Marlena (Finally) Get a Q!

Chapter 28 - A Chance, Once Lost....

            Seeds of uprooted chance
           Are grains of goodbye
           Waving boughs so slowly dance
           Questioning why

           Fate must have a reason
          Why else endure the season
          Of hollow soul
          The ground on which we leave on
          How strangely fuels the season
         Of hollow soul
                                     k.d. lang, Season of Hollow Soul

Q found Marlena there on the balcony, her body shaking uncontrollably. Her glassy eyes stared blankly at the empty street below and she seemed unaware of her surroundings, like her emotions were somehow detached from her senses. Still, slow tears trickled their way down her cheeks to collect in freezing puddles on the deck below her.

He knelt down beside her and tried to capture her attention, but it proved useless. She seemed to have retreated inside herself, unable to see or feel anything. Gently he pried her numb and bleeding hands from the frozen bars and pulled her to him, his concern growing. With a small moan, she settled against him, and he enfolded her icy limbs in his.

It was several minutes before he became aware of the uncomfortable feeling of deadness that was emanating from one of his feet. Awkwardly, but as gently as he could, Q scooped Marlena up in his arms and carried her inside to the living room. He felt her bury her face in his neck as they entered the slightly warmer room, the images of the recent past too painful for her to deal with.

Not quite sure what to do next, Q set Marlena on the soft couch. His attempt at leaving her resulted in an anguished groan that grasped at his already raw emotions so that he had no choice but to stay with her. He sat next to her on the couch, and she nestled against him, as if willing him to block out all the recent events. He sighed a heart-sore sigh. If only he could do that for her, he would. He would do anything to save her from this pain. But he couldn't. It wouldn't *help* anyone, least of all her.

Quietly he closed the door with his Q powers and he produced another two blankets, wrapping one around Marlena and spreading the second one over the two of them. Looking down at her golden hair, her face buried somewhere in the warmth of his woolen jersey he sighed again. His face twisted into a grimace as he thought of Kristen in that lifeless hospital room. He was so tempted to end it then and there. Snuff out her miserable existence like the nasty little parasite that she was. Nothing would give him more pleasure. Well, almost nothing. But he couldn't do that now. Not now. Instead, he wrapped his strong arms around his best friend in the entire universe, leaned back and closed his eyes.

******

The kink in John's neck woke him and he massaged it absently as he tried to orient himself. The grey sky of dawn told him that the night had passed, and he wondered dazedly why he was in the back of his jeep.

Suddenly the memories hit him like an avalanche of emotion. The pain, anger and shame whirled into a huge missile that impacted with the full force of the bitter morning air that seeped into the vehicle.

He didn't know how he had made it to the car. The click of the door after Marlena had bid him her final good-bye was imprinted indelibly in his memory, but everything afterwards dissolved into a mush that seemed to have no beginning and no ending. He could only assume that he had made it down to the car at some stage and that he had been unable or unwilling to go back either to the DiMera Mansion or to the loft. Both places held too many memories, too much pain.

Too much pain.

More pain than one person should have to bear alone. But never again was he going to be able to share it with anyone. He had driven away the one person he loved more than anything. More than life itself. And he was alone. Once again, ten years after he had lost her, lost her to a tragic accident, he had lost her again. This time however, he had no-one but himself to blame.