John and Marlena (Finally) Get a Q!

Chapter 24 - Endings or Beginnings?

Marlena watched John as he struggled with his conscience and his guilt, and it seemed as if in that one small moment, time ceased to function. All the emotions that she had bottled up for so long combined to author an eruption of anger that she could barely keep contained. All that time that she had sacrificed her feelings, her *life* for his and he couldn't even make one small leap of faith for her.

"So, John. Are you going to answer Sami's question?" Marlena crossed her arms in front of her. John only looked at her, still incognizant of the fact that his silence was slowly killing her. He knew what he wanted to say to her. He was trying to say it, only the words wouldn't come. They were stuck somewhere in his throat, under the plug of confusion engendered by Kristen. I know you weren't involved, Doc. You would never do anything like that. Oh God Marlena. I love you so much. Why the hell can't I just tell you that?  But while he stood there shaking his head, the words remained stalled and the tension in the room mounted.

"John! For God's sake. Say something." Sami implored him, terrified that this newly formed bond between her mother and John was crumbling irreparably before her eyes.

"Save your breath, Sami." Marlena said coldly, her anger her soul's only defense. "It's obvious he's made up his mind."

"No Doc. That's not it." John managed to blurt out stiltedly.

"What? You haven't made up your mind. You can't decide whether or not I'm capable of that?" Marlena spat out the words as if they were poisonous thorns. "You need me to hold your hand and tell you that it's alright to believe in *me*?" She gripped the back of the chair as her rage built to a crescendo. "Well, I'm *not* going to do it anymore John. I can't protect you anymore. I *won't*. If you want to continue to believe Kristen, then, by all means, do so. Just don't ask me to stand by and watch you any longer. Because I won't be there."

"Marlena, I never said -" John, shocked by the vehemence in her voice, bumbled a belated defense.

"You didn't need to, John." Marlena returned, with the pain and anger fighting for dominance in her voice. She shook her head. "It was in your eyes."

"You don't understand," John stepped towards her, "it was what Kristen told me."

"So *what*, John!? All those things you said to me last night, all those pleas of undying love. They mean *nothing* in the cold light of day, because *Kristen* says so?!"

"You know that's not true." John's reply came in a low, shocked voice as shards of crystal-clear light began to filter their way through the cracks in his nebulous consciousness.

"No, John. I *don't* know that's not true. I don't seem to know anything about you anymore. Just like you don't seem to know anything about me." The hard edge to her voice increased and she felt oddly dislocated from herself as the anger took over, protecting the fragile heart that belonged to the man that was slowly tearing it apart. "Maybe it would just be best if it stayed that way."

And with that final pronouncement, she swept past John, her face unyielding and her eyes dry.

******

Carrie held Will tightly in her arms as she tried to shield him from the worst of the bitter wind. She was supposed to be meeting both Austin and the realtor at this house but so far there had been no sign of either of them.

She sat on the front doorstep of the house and began to hum to the baby as she rocked him on her lap. Each blast of the icy, gnawing wind seemed to clutch at the two of them and as the minutes ticked by, the idea of going home to a nice warm apartment seemed more and more enticing. But just as she was about to give up the vigil, Austin and the realtor, Ben Robbins arrived within a minute of each other. Austin mumbled an apology as he hugged his wife and child, and shepherded them into the spacious house.