John and Marlena (Finally) Get a Q!

Chapter 12: Truth and Lies

Sami's fingers traced the indentations on the page as each word cut through her. The journal told a story that Sami wasn't sure she particularly wanted to read. But it was too late now. She'd started and there was no going back. She read on.

Dear John,

To never see you again is pain; to know that you will spend the rest of your life with Kristen is more pain than I can bear. She has built her life with you on lies and deception. I hope, I pray that you will see the evil in her before too long.

Sami's eyes flicked further down the page, unable to read the litany of Kristen's misdeeds, too afraid that she would identify herself on that page.

Stefano doesn't want you to know that I'm alive, so he'll never let me send this journal to you. even though you'll never see this, expressing my feelings on paper seems to help me fight this overwhelming sense of despair. I'm trying very hard to hold onto the hope that I can escape. I think of you......I think of your love......it gives me such strength. But Stefano is so evil John. I'm not sure there is any way to beat him.

She reached out and pulled a tissue from the box that sat on top of the nightstand. She brought it to her mouth where it blotted the tears that fell, but it didn't take away the pain that Sami felt. Marlena's terror screamed from the stark page and Sami felt the pressing guilt of her selfishness again. When John had told her that Marlena had been taken by Stefano again, she had been more concerned that Carrie had known before she had. She closed her eyes and wondered if she could ever redeem herself before her family. After a time she turned the page and began to read again.

Stefano is becoming more unstable every day. He has progressed from obsession to madness. He cannot understand or accept the fact that I will never return his love, that I will never willingly make love with him, that we will never live happily ever after together. I don't think he'll ever physically hurt me but as he sinks deeper and deeper into his fantasy, I can't predict what could happen. I must find a way to escape; but how? It's been impossible so far, but I can't give up hope. I can't bear the thought of never seeing my children, my family, my friends again . . .

Sami couldn't even begin to imagine what it would be like never to see Will again. To be taken from your family and your children, all because of one deranged madman's fantasy. She flicked through another few pages until a passage caught her eye.

John, be sure to tell the children I love them. Especially our beautiful little Belle. I may regret a lot of things I have done, but I do not, for one moment, regret her. She must know that her momma loved her. Also, tell Sami how much I love her. She has been through a lot, and I know she has a lot of things to work through. I just wish I could be there for her when she arrives at that stage in her life. She has such potential. She is a beautiful intelligent young woman, and she could have anything she wants. I pray that she finds a worthy goal. Ask her to help Belle through this. She will be the one person who understands what Belle is suffering. And Eric. My beautiful boy. Tell him I always wished we had more time together. And Carrie. She knows I love her but tell her all the same.

I can't bear the thought that I may never again see my children who have brought me such joy. But knowing you are there for them John, helps a little. I know you are not their real father, but you have always been there for them, and what more could one ask of a father?

Sami put down the book and picked up the photo that was lying on the bed. Marlena was right. John *had* always been there. Even when Sami had done her best to push him away. He had never once walked out on them. Ever.

******

Marlena's hand felt warm and familiar in his as John walked out of the lift with her and the children. They stood at the door for a moment, neither quite knowing what to say. Belle broke the silence.