John and Marlena (Finally) Get a Q!

Chapter 103 - Insecurities

The room was warm, the morning sun splashing across their bodies as John's eyes flickered open.  It took him a moment to orient himself, to remember where he was and that the woman lying next to him in the bed was the woman that he loved.  A smile curled his lips lazily as he focused on her, blonde hair in tousled curls around an angelic face.

Propping himself up on one elbow, his eyes swept her face.  It was so long since he had woken up with her.  And last time she had woken first.  He hadn't had the chance to just watch her sleep since... well, really since they had been married all those years ago.

Dark lashes curled over rose-tinted cheeks that were dusted with the most adorable freckles.  Her lips, still reddened from the previous evening's assault, were curved with a dreamily peaceful smile.  John reached out and with one finger followed the graceful sweep of her cheek down to the soft angle of her jaw.  She was so beautiful he could hardly believe it.  Could hardly believe that he was here, with her, that she wanted him in her life once again.

In some ways, it almost hadn't been real until he had made love to her.  In the back of his mind, he had halfway expected her to realize that she had made a mistake, that he would never give her anything but pain and that she was better off without him.  Part of him wondered if she would be right if she did.  But without her, his life was filled with darkness.  He was unfettered, drifting with the currents that had shaped him into who he was, slammed back and forth between the specter of Stefano DiMera and the fragments of gruesome memories that came, unbidden and terrifying.

But when he was with her, it was so different.  She lit up the darkness, her sweet goodness spilled into his soul like the golden light that fell across the bed as he watched her.  She was the calm at the center of the maelstrom that at times threatened to engulf him, the anchor that kept him safe and sane.  And it was only now that he realized how much he needed her in his life and how close he had been to losing himself when he had almost lost her.

He loved her so much it almost hurt.  It was indescribable, a sweet agony that filled him so that he wanted to weep and laugh with the joy and the pain.  He could spend his life searching and never feel a glimmer of what he felt for her for anyone else.

Isabella, I can't go with you now.  You always knew that part of my heart still belonged to Marlena.  It still does.  Honey, I can't lie to you.  She means everything to me.  She's my soulmate, you must know that...

John shook his head at the odd. ...what was it, a thought?  A memory?  He couldn't remember ever saying anything like that to Isabella...  But it felt.... it was so vivid and yet so vague.

Marlena stirred next to him, a gentle sigh slipping out with easy breaths.  He relaxed as he watched her, the tension that had suddenly filled him flowing out of his muscles with each peaceful, smooth breath that she took.  Leaning his head down, he kissed the sweet curve of her shoulder and then followed it with his fingers, tracing the silky skin of her upper arm in a smooth line. 

She stirred again as he reached the sensitive skin of her inner elbow, following the blurred blue lines of delicate veins.  John lifted his fingers swiftly.  He didn't want to wake her yet.  He just wanted to enjoy this for as long as he could, just to be with her, to be able to watch her, drink her in without any other distractions.

She settled again and after a moment, he tentatively fingered the pale lemon sheet that covered her, outlining the exquisite rise of her pregnancy.  With a tender hand, he laid his palm against the stomach where his child nestled.  Our child.  An amazed smile graced his lips and John felt tears sting his eyes. 

Life was filled with few utterly perfect moments, but this was one of them.  He couldn't be any more at peace, any happier than he was right now.

Being careful not to disturb Marlena, he slid down the bed so that his face was level with his hand.  Lovingly, he pressed a soft kiss against the crumpled fabric that covered Marlena's stomach.   He still couldn't believe it.  They were going to be holding two beautiful babies in their arms soon.  The family that he had dreamed of for so many years was finally going to become a reality.  And having lost it once made it all that more precious to him.  He was determined that *nothing* would separate them all now.