John and Marlena (Finally) Get a Q!

Chapter 23 - Two Wrongs....

John stared at Kristen, nausea pervading his whole being. Marlena had known? He couldn't believe that of Marlena, but what reason did Kristen have to lie? His mind swam with images - Eugene and Marlena standing in front of the window. Being locked in that bedroom and making love to Marlena. Bradford's self-satisfied grin when they had emerged in the morning and Marlena's reluctance to confront him about the whole issue.

John hung his head and buried his face in his hands. He felt more confused than he had ever before in his life. He didn't want to believe what Kristen said but perhaps she was right. He just wanted Marlena so much that he wouldn't believe any accusations about her. Perhaps he just had to face the fact that the old saying could be right. Love *is* blind and he didn't know Marlena as well as he thought he did. Not anymore anyway.

"John, just *go*," Kristen whispered, a sense of satisfaction overriding the pain she felt. John sat unmoving and unseeing in the dim light. Kristen allowed herself a little look back at his face and was stabbed by the look of abject misery and betrayal on his face. She tried to tell herself that it was because she hated having to hurt him like this. The real truth was that her own betrayal would probably have a much less profound effect on John than the thought of Marlena's and the knowledge rove through her like a sharp blade. She gasped as another cramp gripped her belly and a tear escaped the corner of her eye. She had to hold onto this baby. It was her only hope of keeping John. It was the key to her happiness, and she wasn't going to give it up without a struggle.

The stifled noise that came from Kristen was enough to rouse John out of his distressed abstraction.

"Kristen? Are you okay?" John asked worriedly as the rhythm of the beeping monitors quickened slightly. The almost imperceptible shift of Kristen's head signaled a nod, and a choked sob came from the bed. "Oh God Kristen. I'm *so* sorry." John was crying now. "I've made such a mess of everything. For so long."

Kristen listened to John's quiet sobs for several moments before turning over.

"I'm sorry too John. You've made the best of an awful situation for a long time now. With the history you have with Marlena, it's only natural to want to give in to the memories." She sniffed theatrically. "But I love you, John. And we have our child to consider. Perhaps, given time we could mend some of the damage that's been done." She paused for a moment watching John's stricken face, only imagining the inner turmoil that he was suffering.

Squeezing another tear from her eye, Kristen continued melodramatically. "I love you, John. All I've ever wanted was for the two of us to be happy."

John raised his red eyes to meet hers.

"I know Kristen. I know."

"Is there any chance left for us, John?" John's heart felt as if it was breaking as he looked at her. He was so tired of hurting the people he cared about. Maybe she was right. Maybe they should just go away. Go away somewhere where he didn't have to face Marlena every day.

Facing Marlena. How could he do it now? After what had happened, what Kristen had said. He didn't know what to think, or how to feel. His only instinct was to bury himself away somewhere dark where he wouldn't have to deal with the terrible truths and lies that ruined lives.

"John?" Kristen dragged him back to reality. He stared at her, his eyes begging her not to ask him to make that decision now. Not to ask him to give up everything on the turn of a word. He shook his head.

"I don't know Kristen. I'm just...." She looked at him with pleading, but he closed his eyes and shook his head again as if trying to shake the image of her from his mind. He stood up and turned for the door but something made him turn back. "I never meant for *any* of this to happen Kristen. And if I can make it up to you, I will. But that's the best I can do for now." Not waiting for a reply, he left the room. Mike watched him go with curiosity as he noted the tears that lingered on John's face.