John and Marlena (Finally) Get a Q!

Chapter 32 - Memoirs of Merlot

         I have seen thy heart to-day,
         Never open to the crowd,
         While to love me aye and aye
         Was the vow as it was vowed
         By thine eyes of steadfast grey.

         Now I sit alone, alone -
         And the hot tears break and burn.
         Now Belovëd, thou art gone,
         Doubt and terror have their turn.
         Is it love that I have known?

                                           Proof and Disproof
                                          Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Q opened the door noiselessly. It was close to three in the morning, so he was surprised and a little dismayed when he saw the glimmer of firelight and heard the low, sweet melody that filled the room to its corners. He scanned the room, his eyes stopping at the couch where Marlena sat. Her knees were pulled up against her chest and her arms wrapped tightly around herself. Her face was hidden somewhere beneath the blonde hair that cascaded untidily over her immoving form.

As Q neared her he noticed the bottle on the table. It was nearly empty. The glass lay on its side, glistening droplets soaking one by one into the spreading crimson stain on the carpet. He paused, considering his options. They ran out as Marlena looked up at him. Her pale face, haunted by the candlelight, bore signs of the recent tears which she hastily brushed away.

"Yes?" she snapped uncharacteristically. "Did you want something?" Q moved quickly to the foot of the couch and knelt on the ground before her.

"Marlena?" He wasn't quite sure what to say to her. He had never seen her like this before and it unnerved him.

"Oh, for God's sake Eugene!" She rolled her eyes. "Don't look at me like that. I'm not about to die."

"Perhaps not," Q answered quietly as he moved closer to her. "But I *am* worried about you."

"Well don't bother," Marlena said harshly, turning away.

"Why would I not bother?" Q asked, a little confused.

"Why *would* you?" Marlena's voice had a blurred quality, like it was being filtered through several layers of fine muslin. "It's pretty obvious."

"What's obvious?" Q asked gently.

Marlena turned back to him, and he recoiled slightly as he recognized the look in her eyes. It was the same look that had haunted his eyes the last time he had been thrown out of the Continuum, forced to live out his days among the humans of the 24th century. It was a fierce self-loathing and it shocked him to see it coming from the one person he cared for above all others.

"Marlena...."

"There's no point 'Gene." Her bottom lip trembled, and a tear found its way through the barrier of her lashes. "It's hopeless. *I'm* hopeless."

"That's *not* true!" Q averred.

"Of course it is!" Marlena unintentionally raised her voice slightly. "I'm a *hopeless* mother. I've ruined Samantha's life. I'm hardly ever there for Belle. Or Brady. I was a hopeless wife. I couldn't stay faithful to Roman, and I ruined his life, for nothing. I can't hold onto my patients 'cos I keep *disappearing*." She raised her hand unsteadily to stop Q's unformed sentence. "NO 'Gene. I'm *pathetic*."

Q frowned. He had to do something to snap her out of this self-pitying frame of mind and he had to do it fast.

"Marlena you are *not* pathetic and you are not hopeless."

"I *am*." Marlena's mouth formed a small but perfect pout. "That's why I can't hold onto John." She wiped at the tear that tickled her jawline. "I don't deserve him."