John and Marlena (Finally) Get a Q!

Chapter 91 - This Side of Paradise

It was pandemonium as a crash cart was rushed into John's room and the numbers of doctors and nurses swelled as they worked furiously on their patient. Marlena, already emotionally drained from the events of the night before and the subsequent waiting, sagged against Gene and he helped her to one of the chairs against the wall. She never peeled her eyes from John's room as he sat her down in the seat and put his arm around her. Taking her small, cold hand in his, he squeezed it. She shivered but still, her eyes were fixed on where they were working on John, trying to restart his heart, trying to bring him back to the family that loved him.

Roman made his way to where Sami was standing against the wall, also staring at the unabating motion that surrounded John.

"Peanut?" he asked gently, trying to gauge her feelings toward him. She said nothing, just continued to stare at John's prone body. "Sami," Roman tried again, "Sami, would you please talk to me?"

"And what would you have me say, Daddy?" she asked bitterly, still refusing to look at him. "I mean I don't know why you want *me* to talk. After all, you haven't been too eager to talk to me for the last oh, how many years has it been now?" She crossed her arms in front of her, hiding her clenched fists and the nails that dug into her palms, focusing her on staying in control.

"Sami, I think you know that wasn't entirely my fault," Roman leaned against the wall next to her and stared at ICU 7 along with the rest of his family.

"No-one forced you to leave, did they?" her voice was low, as though her teeth were gritted.

"No," Roman shook his head. What more could he say?

"And when you *did* come back, you didn't have any time for me either."

"Your mother needed me Sami, she's been going through a very tough time." Roman could feel the pain of rejection in her voice, the abandonment she felt and her own rejection of him. And it hurt him more than he expected. He guessed this was how Marlena and John must have felt for all those years, the hostility and anger seemingly inflexible, as Sami withheld her forgiveness.

"What about all the times that she needed you when you *weren't* here?" Sami asked angrily. "What about all the times that Carrie needed you, that *I* needed you? Where were you then?" When Roman said nothing, Sami turned to him, her eyes vividly indigo. "That man in there," she pointed at John's room, "has always been there for me, even though I pushed him away time and time again. He has been a father to me, he has loved me when most people would have walked away." Her eyes were filling with stinging tears, and she cursed herself for her own weakness. "I *worshipped* you. I would have done *anything* for you. But it wasn't good enough for you, was it? You still didn't love us enough to *stay*."

Roman shook his head, not knowing what to say to his anguished daughter. She was right of course, and there was no excuse. But nothing could ever make up for what she had lost, the innocence, the love, and the time. There were no magic words that he could utter that would bring that back for her, just as there were none for Carrie.

The tears spilled from Sami's eyes, and she shook her head desolately before she turned and ran back down the corridor. Roman looked after her miserably.

"Give her some time dear," his mother's soft voice sounded beside him. "She's got to express her anger at you before she can begin to deal with it."

"But I've hurt her so much," Roman said in a whisper. "She's right, I should have been here for them. For all of you."

"Well, tell *her* that Roman," Caroline suggested. "I think she needs to hear it."

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