John and Marlena (Finally) Get a Q!

Chapter 114 - Eyes and No's

"Gene," her fingers are soft as they slide along my collarbone. "Please, let me love you again. You know that John can't do it like you can. You know he doesn't make me feel the way you do...."

"Marlena," I find myself choking as I utter her name. When an eternity has passed, when the stars have burnt themselves out, when space is cold and vacant, that name will still haunt me. "This is wrong..."

"How can it be wrong?" The satin is slippery as she straddles me, and the groan is animalistic in my throat. I want her so badly, want to touch her, to taste her silky skin but this can't happen again. I can't let myself succumb to her. This is destroying me. It's destroying her.

"Marlena," I gasp her name again as her tongue glances across my moving lips. I try to move my hands but looking up I discover that she has used silk scarves to knot them to the bedstead.

"Mmmmm?" she draws a finger down over my jaw and then over my throat. "My Q. You are beautiful my love." Her lips replace her fingers and I feel her tongue, hot against my burning skin. She shimmies down my body and then I feel her......

Q struggled violently to suck in desperate breaths as he sat bolt upright in his bed. Sweat ran in prickling rivulets over febrile skin. No! *No*, I can't... Marlena, please forgive me. I can't stop them...

His eyes darted about the room as he tried to make sense of the waking moments. Covers lay crumpled on the floor, a pillow jammed down the side of the bed.

"Oh G*d," the whimper percolated in his throat as he fell back against damp sheets. "I can't take this anymore."

******

"Punkin'," John sat in a chair at the edge of Carrie's bed and held her limp hand between thick fingers. She lay on her side, curled up in a fetal-like ball, eyes fixed on distant and unseen features.

"Carrie, sweetheart," his voice was warm, full of love and regret. "I wish you'd give me some sign that you can hear me. That you know I'm here." He lifted one hand and drew a roughened finger over a pale cheek. "I miss you Punkin'. I miss your beautiful smile and your laugh full of sunshine." He sighed sadly. "We always had such a connection, you and me. I might not be your Daddy, Punkin', but I sure felt like it when we were together." He rubbed irritably at itchy eyes.

"You have such a good, kind heart. Just like Doc. She brought you up well...." His voice cracked and he distraughtly squeezed the lifeless hand in his as though maybe he could infuse some life into the unresponsive young woman.

"You always saw beyond the surface Carrie, you always had this uncanny knack of knowing what I was really thinking, of knowing what was going on with me." His body tightened as he watched her. Unblinking, unseeing.

"Carrie, baby, I'm sorry if I never told you how much I love you." His voice was harsh, the words guttural and honest. "I'm sorry if I hurt you by not fighting harder, by not asking you what *you* wanted. I've made some mistakes punkin'," he choked on the endearment, wanting to bundle the young woman up and somehow bring her back to him through the warmth and love of his touch. "But walking away from you kids, thinking that I was doing the best for you...." He shook his head, his hands clasped tightly around hers. "That was one of the worst."

His lips compressed and his brow furrowed as he tried to quell the grief, still fresh after so long.

"You, and the twinners, and Marlena. If I could do it all over again, you'd better believe I'd fight for what was mine, baby." He blinked rapidly, fighting a losing battle against the tears.

"I wish you were here," he whispered, voice tainted with misery. "You always understand. You'd know how to help me make sense of this. You'd know what I should do." He winced as a sharp pain shot through his shoulder, the legacy of the bullet's ruinous path. "Punkin', I'm so sorry. It's my fault that you're in here. It was *me * that they were trying to get at and they destroyed you to do it." He groaned, the guilt heavy on his conscience. "Maybe my biggest mistake was ever getting involved with the Bradys to begin with."