Dear Diary

loving him was pink 2. 🙄 duhh

You guys .... I'm not kidding
This T guy , he seriously has a thing for me .
And every guy I see nowadays is whipped for me ig.
And I'm not even being delulu at this point. It is for real this time . I mean the T guy and me , we still haven't talked but I want to talk .
I don't want predatory men okay...
I am looking for a good guy. A golden retriever. Someone who's actually kind and compassionate. But ofcourse confident , assertive and a little manly too.
It's very hard to find someone like that ik
And I really need to attract good quality men because quality >>>>>quantity
And nowadays it's just quantity for me .
I want some quality men for me ...
So one thing I noticed is that whenever I talk and obsess and write about any experience I have or like .
It just ends to nothing .
Like completely vanished.
With maybe some fumes left ...
I don't want that universe.....
I want something serious now...please ....
But then I will distract myself with all the boy drama and my goal might as well remain as as dream .naurrrr
But atleast we can talk right ....like all I want rn is to be shipped with him and yeah that's it. I want him to initiate a convo. It shouldn't always be me right??
As if you are ....🙄
I mean, he could atleast try uk ,make the first move or smthn .or else forget it ..
So it's like he doesn't do anything but he wants to see me .
He wants to get close to me ,but does not have the GUTS ....
He wants to make eye contact with me but doesnt even start a convo .
I'm not going to do anything if you think I am .
Please transfer this message to him ,I wish upon the universe !!!!!!
Okay...so I'll just enter what all happened after part 1.
All this is just because I want to remember the best parts of my life and not die with bad memories. As I tend to forget the details of my good times .the times when I felt wanted ,loved and special....

Ok so the next time I saw him after the previous incident was on the test day .
It was in the hallway .and I could sense that same smile he always has when he sees me .💗🦋🦋
he was getting out of the class to maybe go to his own class, and I was getting in . And when I went in .he came too after some time ,almost instantly....lol
And was talking with his friends . And how he loves to have me see him ,goodness ...
Like there was a bit of a crowd and so I was looking at him , his Direction ,technically....
And the same smile.....
Like idk if that's a smile or it's just his face .he has a pretty unique face and I kinda like it ....kind of....
I mean I like that smile he has ,nothing more .maybe his confidence too....ugh!!!!
Also he always tends to mix in the crowd when I get up . Just so he could maybe bump into me or get closer . I'm not being delulu okay... I've experienced enough...and I think I now know how when and what boys think.

After that ,,,my idiotic friend who is so whipped with another idiot with the same name as Tan(like how funny is it )😂😂 so yeah she came that day after a long long time ...............................................................................,........,....................................................................................................................
I told her about what had happened and she's like teasing me about it.
Yrrrrrr I can't stop thinking about him ...what should I do..........
Okay so that day me and my friend went upstairs to meet some other friends ( that time too he was standing close to the entrance just so I could pass close from him )and we were just standing there like in front of the staircase .
It's not like there's much space over there or anything...
So yeah ... And then after sometime I could hear him coming up too . I mean his voice ,it's too loud to not be noticed . And I was literally nervous . I don't like him right???
And then he emerged ,talking as always . And I then looked at his Direction. We had an eye contact again
This time it was so heart fluttering... I mean it never fails to make me smile even now .
The first time what I had with a guy never included these small things like eye contact powerful enough to make you smile all day and all night. He just used me . Just as long as he wanted me. That's such a toxic behavior
But now that I have boys who literally want to get close to me genuinely and are respectful enough....I feel so much better and special. And that is actually what makes my heart flutter .not some douchebag who .....anyways....
So he had his hands in his pockets as always ...
And then at the se time we decided to go back and I went from beside him. He tried to look at me and ..
I feel crazy rn,why am I obsessing over such petty things...
You must consider urself lucky that I wrote so much about you . And then after the break  he came to sit in the front and he explained doubts to the girl sitting there . I'm not feeling jealous okay... But it's just that it was attractive. Him explaining..mansplaining..naufrrrr
I too want him to explain me things ... Uk ...talk to me
And then he asked some doubts too
And the way he jokes ,,he is just so talented,like he has a good sense of humour...uhmm kind of
And he again makes a joke with the teacher
Tan:. Sir agar isme aisa hai to isme.....
Teacher : to milenge next turn pe to krenge bahut sari
baatein
Tan:. But sir isme aisa......
Teacher :. Rules follow kroge tabhi answer aaega.pehle
Yeh fir yeh ..blah blah
Tan. : Haa sir milenge next turn pe to krenge bahut
sari baatein.😂😂😂
He is so comedic . Everyone started laughing including me and he looked at me at that moment.
I just want to know what he feels or felt at that moment .
Gosh.... I didn't look at him ,as I counldnt stop frickin laughing.it wasnt even that funny but still🤣
And then again at the time of departure, he stood in front of the door ,knowing damn well that I was going to get through . And then I just stood there,waiting for him to move ,and then he moved. He could have done that earlier too but maybe he thought that I'll talk to him or smthn .like noooo I'm shy okay...
I'm literally so delusional. But what can I do if it's the truth.
And the next day he was late ,he wanted to sit in the front,as I sit there.... MAYBE....
But then his friends were like "where are you going ,this is where you sit"😂😂😂 and then he sat with his friends .poor guy
I don't remember much from that day...
The next day ...he came earlier than me
And as I entered ...EYE CONTACT....
like talk to me already, I'm done .
Then he sat in the front . On the second bench .
I too was sitting on the second bench but in the other row
He had a better view of me this way ig
I too had 🙄
Yrrrr. I think I'm starting to like him too . naurrrr I can't .not at this point of my life .when I have so many dreams to fulfil and goals to achieve .....
And then nothing special happened
But one thing I came to know bout him is that he might seem like a totally confident person. He is actually.
But is scared /shy to talk to me . Like he can't even sit next to me . That's cute . But it pisses me off sometimes , please speak up already .
Though it is possible that he just wants to maybe keep his composure till the exam . Cos we both want the same thing . But I want him to fall head over heels for me....
Ugh.... I'm just so capricious.
So in the end when we all had to depart .
I got up from my seat and was just about to go when he instantly picked up his bag and started moving too.
Knowing very damn well that I was going. So maybe he thought he had a chance to get closer to me . As I mentioned,he always does that . And not that I don't like it . But you can do more than this srsly....
So the person in front stopped for a bit .so he too did and as I was just about to go . Well this led to us being close ,standing super close . Ofcourse he was facing the other direction ,otherwise it would have been so awkward omg
But just this small action of his ,made my heart flutter 🦋🦋🦋🦋💗🦋
I mean ,he had that smile again ...gosh....
And I could see dhvani be like👁️👄👁️😂😂😂
Like she could see that T is interested in me .
Omg.. I really don't want it to happen . It's not like she's gonna say something bout it .cos again she too is study oriented . But I have felt her looking at me when I looked pretty . She might have felt something when us girls feel when we see someone super pretty . It's not like she's not pretty ,she has a nice body . Petite and skinny . What more do you want . Shes a topper on top of that . Like srsly .I should be the one insecure rn. But I won't.....as I am learning to be more confident this year in 2024
It's 31st btw....
Well then ...
I waited for him to move , like we were so close 🦋🦋🦋
Omg ...stawhhhpp
Its giving me butterflies...
And yeah well thats that.
And then another one was waiting forme.
I feel so special . But only if I scored as well as them .then I could really be special from within and everywhere.
I am in the process .I'm wishing upon the universe ....
I'll update if something happens again 🙄
It's fun but I can't stop thinking about him .I wonder what he thinks of me . Is he feeling the same . He wouldn't most probably ..but anyways... Byee eee