Scars On Her Soul

Chapter 34: A suicide mission

Vienna's POV

"Vienna. Honey, please open the door..." I heard Grace's soft voice along with quite an audible knock on the door.

There was yet another knock on the door as I just stared into space, curled up into a small ball, hugging my knees and just lying on mine and Ryan's bed, doing nothing all day but just staring into space and reminiscing all the good memories, all the beautiful moments that Ryan and I have ever spent together.

That's all I do now a days, I just lie on this bed all day...like some dead body, doing absolutely nothing, feeling absolutely nothing but immense pain in my heart, pain that has now started hurting me even physically.

I never imagined in my entire life that I would ever experience such emotional and mental pain in my life that it would start hurting me physically.

I feel like there's zero energy and no life left in my body, I feel like a living and breathing corpse...that's how my life is without Ryan, even worst than I ever imagined.

"Vienna, dear, please for God's sake, just open the door" I snapped out of my thoughts, once again hearing Grace's voice.

This has become our new daily routine, she stops by every evening, requests or rather should I say pleads me to open the door and sit with them, talk to them, but I never respond to her pleads, I never open the door and just like that she goes back to her place and comes back again the next evening.

And I honestly feel so bad, that Ryan's mother, who never treated me anything less than her own daughters, stands before our room and requests me every day to open the door and come out, which I know she does for my own good, but I never respond to her pleads.

"I'm worried about you, my child" She added making me feel even more guilty for not opening the door.

"It's almost been two weeks, Vienna. I know it's difficult but..." She trailed off, her voice cracking by the end and I know she must have broken down into tears.

"I know it's difficult but life goes on, dear" She said a while later after composing herself, I assume.

"We have all got responsibilities that need to be fulfilled and for that we need to get back to our normal lives" She added and my heart clenched in pain, but for her this time, for a mother who lost her only son but yet she was putting on a brave face, just for me.

Life goes on...

I know, I understand how difficult it must have been for her to utter those words but yet here she is...saying all of this just so I would go out there and get back to normal life.

But how can I?

How can I ever do that?

There is no going back to normal life now...because there is no life without Ryan.

"Alright, my child, you are not ready yet, I get it" She said a moment later upon not getting any response from me.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Vienna. Goodnight" She added and the fading sound of her footsteps, walking away from our room, told me that she finally gave up for today and left me alone.

It's been almost two weeks...

Her words rang in my ears as a lone tear slipped down my eye before vanishing into the soft mattress that I had my cheek pressed against.

"No, Grace..." I mumbled.

"It hasn't been two weeks yet..." I trailed off.

It hasn't been two weeks yet...it has been ten days, nine hours and thirty seven minutes, since I have been living and breathing in this world that my Ryan no longer exists in.