Hypnotized by you

5

Vishwa

"...Yaa," I trail off for the sake of formality, uninterested by the conversation going on amidst my colleagues.

"... you should consider shaving these," Ashok, a buddy of mine comments. "I agree, no one would expect such a person to be working in an MNC company. Dude look, we understand you went through a divorce and shit, but that's not the end of the world. You still have a long way to go," Kiran, the 'playboy aka manwhore' of the office comments.

I lend him a dead look and slant back on the chair. Do women really like only these kinds of guys? He's been having a one-night stand with literally every woman around here and still, they like him, they are desperate for him. Why? They are truly weird. I mean, they knew how he is, and still, they give into him and when he backs off, they crawl all over him...

I don't understand women's logic. They claim all men to be bad but when we are good, they don't respect us or give a fuck about us. Perhaps, I should have been a little cold towards Hridaya...maybe that's where I went wrong.

I shouldn't have been too good of a man to her.

"Bro, he doesn't get it...he seems to despise women now. He doesn't even speak to Deepthi anymore," Vinay lets out, shaking his head disapprovingly.

Deepthi is my junior, the only girl in this office with whom I'd a decent bonding with. But after my ex-wife's betrayal, I began to avoid every female.

"Loathe women? A man could never hate women. He's designed in such a way to keep chasing them. They are a need to us, you can deceive yourself by saying that you don't want them or despise them, but tell me, for how long? Sooner or later, you will go crazy without one..." Kiran mutters with a shrug and as much as I want to object to his words, deep inside, I know he's right.

"Probably, but I need time," I speak gently and sigh at my condition. Hridaya had messed me up so bad but still...the need to have someone who could love me genuinely is overwhelming.

It's as If my mind and heart conflict, suggesting contradicting thoughts and emotions.

"Hey, when's the last time you jerked off?" I side-eye Kiran suspiciously. "Why do you want to know that?" I press, perplexed, while Ashok and Vinay were as evenly confused as me.

"Just tell dude," I scratch the back of my neck before responding. "Last week, why?" He smirks upon heeding my reply.

"And you say you hate women? Huh? I would recommend you try some escorts. They will definitely remove your so-called hate on women," I shake my head at him. "That's wrong and disgusting, I don't want them..." He rolls his eyes.

"Mr, decency, what did you get by being a morally good person? Your wife still left you," I give him a menacing glance and he shuts up immediately as he realizes what he'd said by our other two friend's displeased hiss.

"Sorry..." He apologizes but I show my middle finger to him before leaving the cafeteria.

I never did this until I came here and saw how normalized these signs were. Unfortunately, things like these are deemed to be modern and the ones talking against would be given the title of the boomer.

And as a normal human, I didn't want to be called the same and hence, followed up with the middle finger trend.

I could detect how my mindset has changed so much after settling here. Things my mom said to be immoral were no longer regarded as one. I don't get it, how could someone be comfortable getting intimate with a stranger that they barely knew?

Initially, I used to be traumatized after heeding about these one-night pleasures but as time went by, it didn't surprise me anymore. Don't know when people would understand the difference between modernization and Westernization.

'...'

Preparing a coffee for myself, I seize my laptop and recline on the bean couch out on the balcony. The sun was lowering down the horizon and it lit the world up in a fading orange glow. It was ethereal to watch.

"Ippudi podu podu podu...izhuthu podu kaiyaala..." (Do it this way, pull it with your hands and do it this way,)

Blinking once, I turn my head to the right and there stands my new neighbor, whose name is Kuyili, If I'm not mistaken. If she hadn't disturbed me while I was about to have my breakfast, I would have at least politely asked her to fuck off, but the timing was too wrong and I had to close the door in her face to make her understand how annoyed I was with her and also to create a bad mark about me on her memory so that she wouldn't bother me again.

The last thing I would want to deal with now is an irritating neighbor. And a woman in that.

Currently, the girl is vibing to the 'Appadi podu song' and dancing while sweeping, not caring about the possible eyes that would graze her. She appears very happy and energetic. God, I would love to be as carefree as her. And because I can't be like her now, it's creating indignation within me.

"En kanavula nee muzhikuriyae, aye adada...en othadula nee inikuriyae...ithu nijamthanaa?"
(You rose in my dream, my love, you taste sweet on my lips, is it true?)

Does she not understand the lyrics? I purse my lips to not smile at her unawareness.

Her words die down as she meets my gaze. A frown forms on her face and she huffs at me before exiting the balcony and closing the door with a bang.

Well...I do get the reference.

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