Hypnotized by you

8

Kuyili

The heat in Chennai is extreme. Whenever I peek down from the balcony, I can see people sweating heavily due to the burning sun's rays. However, as I am staying in the apartment all the time, I don't have to suffer the wrath of the sun.

Though I love being inside this apartment, I would have to eventually get out of this comfort zone as I ought to pursue my higher studies. I'm planning to apply for MSC in one of the colleges nearby pretty soon.

Also, by now, it's been two whole weeks since we came here and needless to say, I'm relishing my time here. Even though my neighbor is quite annoying at times, after the night when he refrained himself from telling the truth to my father, a little soft spot formed in my heart for him.

Yet that doesn't mean I have forgotten or forgiven him for all those deeds he did before that night! But then again, I halted myself from taking revenge on him as I would yield nothing out of it except giving rise to a foe neighbor. I don't wish that to happen. Someone has to let go of their ego and adjust to rectify the problematic situation. Otherwise, this meaningless fight would continue without a full stop.

And as I said before, my neighbor is cold but kind of sweet too. I watch him every day on his balcony in the evening when I go there to withdraw the clothes from the clothesline. He wouldn't look in my direction unnecessarily but when we lock eyes, he would just wave at me or lend me a small smile.

I have no idea why I started to love that gentle smile of his. He is not someone on whom girls would get a crush upon first sight. But there's something about his closed-off and laid-back behavior that strangely intrigues me. His personality is arousing curiosity within my heart and I don't want to indulge myself in this unreasonable eagerness that I might regret later. What If I gain feelings for him in the process of getting to know him?

I'm still recovering from my heartbreak of crushing on a junior guy who turned out to be already committed to someone else. I didn't know that until I looked into his socials.

Just like most of the parents in our Village, my father is also against love marriage. Hence I accepted the reality and began living in my delusional world merrily with random crushes of mine. I limited speaking with boys too cause I was scared of falling for them.

They have a way with their words and I didn't want to become a victim to their manipulation. Moreover, love has become so complicated nowadays that I feel people no longer know the true meaning of it. People change their partners as If they're some materialistic accessories and I'm genuinely scared of falling for someone...

It seems as though everyone just wants to have a taste of each other and go about their way. Even as a spectator, the lack of emotional attachment and commitment in relationships these days was terrifying to watch. And to put myself in that situation is nerve-wracking.

I'm genuinely horrified of loving someone but I've to do it someday when my father selects a groom for me. Hence the least I could do is keep my heart clean so that I could let that person in without much difficulty. I do trust that my father will bring me a good-hearted person...

Letting out an exhaustive sigh, I recline on the balcony, my back leaning against the bars behind me. Surprisingly, the air was quite cool today, and having it graze my face soothed my insides. The reckless thoughts within my head fade away as I seal my eyelids to feel the soft caresses of the chilly breeze.

"Kuyili," Heeding the manly tone of my neighbor, I look over my shoulder and smile at him. "Taking a nap on the balcony?" He asks as he perches on the bean couch with his laptop secured against his lap.

"No no, I wasn't dozing off...I just felt comforted by the weather. The wind is chilly today unlike the humid past days, isn't it?" I speak excitedly and await his response as he takes his time moving his view away from the laptop screen and up to me.

"It is," he responds shortly and redirects his attention to the device.

But I want to make a conversation with him. It's getting kind of boring being all by myself and conversing with my family and friends over the phone. I want to have some real interactions with humans. And the only human close to me now is this mysterious neighbor.

"Why don't you shave, Mister?" He doesn't reply to my query but gazes at me indifferently. "Are you speaking to me?" I purse my lips and give him a silent glare. "Of course Mister, who else I could be talking to when we are the only ones here?" He nods his head slowly and scratches his beard.

Seeing that he is about to reply, I swirl myself entirely to face him. "Does it not suit me?" I click my tongue at his words. "Not at all...you look so depressed and resemble someone who has just experienced a breakup,"
He smiles softly.

"It's so obvious, huh?" Hence he really did go through a breakup? Well, no wonder why he appears dejected most of the time.

"How long has it been since your break up?" I ask carefully, wanting him to share his burdens with me. "Almost two years," my lips part as I was predicting the time to be somewhere between two months and six months...

How can he feel melancholic even after two years? Did he love her that deeply? "Have you tried to mend your relationship with her?" He just stares blankly at me and I awkwardly respond to my own question. "Of course, you would have...it's been years already. She probably didn't want to continue the relationship," I halt speaking as the atmosphere between us started to feel thick.

"Um...I'm sorry," he shakes his head slightly. "Not necessary Kuyili," silence dominates as I stare at him worried while he looks away absentmindedly.

"You must have loved her dearly," I say after a while and he peeks into my eyes, his lips curving in a sad smile.

"I did, only I did..." And those phrases made me realize his unsaid love tale. I felt sorry for him but I didn't know what to say henceforth. Hence I remained quiet instead of putting forth some motivational and encouraging words...

Sometimes, quietude is what some people need to retain in this situation. And right now, no matter how I try to uplift his mood, I know it'll yield nothing.

He's damaged from the inside and any words I mutter wouldn't be able to touch his heart and melt away his pain.

But I do hope I could be of some help to him though...

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