No Choice But You // Ominis Gaunt x Reader

Chapter 33

Y/n's POV//

Time was passing quickly, much too quickly for my liking. 

It was almost winter break now, meaning the Yule Ball was right around the corner. A lot of people already had dates. Even Garreth, who I supposed was my fallback plan in case I couldn't find anyone, already had a date. Imelda, too, of all people. 

I still didn't see how that one would work, but maybe they were just going as friends. Who knew? Imelda sure as hell hadn't said anything about any of it. 

I sighed and leaned my head down on my homework. The library was quiet today, which was usually a good thing, but my mind was running. I couldn't stop thinking of a certain someone, and every time I did, I was filled with so many different kinds of feelings. 

Bitterness, because he liked to play around. He obviously didn't want me, but that hadn't stopped him from kissing me. 

Smug, because I was right all along. He didn't want me. I'd always known that fact, and even when he felt physically attracted to me, he still couldn't get over everything else. I didn't blame him. 

Then there was the sadness and the pain inside of me that seemed to amplify in its melancholic wake. It rattled me and hollowed me out, and I was starting to go numb from it all. I couldn't deny what I felt for Ominis anymore, even though I knew he could never like me back in the same way. 

I pushed those thoughts to the back of my brain and focused on my homework. I didn't need to be thinking about things as stupid as boys. That should be the last thing on my mind--especially with the end-of-year exams coming up. I couldn't forget about those. 

Right as I was getting my mind back on the right track, Anne tumped her books down on the desk beside mine and slid into its chair. 

"Hey," she said. "How's everything?"

"Everything?" 

"He still hasn't talked to you, has he?" Anne asked. "He's been reclusive toward Sebastian and I as well--or at least more so than normal."

"He hasn't spoken a word to me since the party," I said dryly. I didn't want to think too much about him. That's precisely what I'd been trying my hardest not to do. "If we're to talk again, he's going to have to be the one to approach me."

"I understand that sentiment. But I can't help but feel a bit, I dunno, bad for him."

I scrunched my face in a frown. "How so? He did this to himself."

"You do it too, you know. Get all reclusive and independent when you're upset. You push people away, just like he's doing now. Maybe you need to reach out first."

"No way. Not happening. It's not my fault he can't decide what he wants." I cringed inwardly at my words, running over the implications in my head. He didn't want me enough to go after me. Maybe he was simply attracted to me physically, and he just liked to touch me and kiss me. I liked those things about him too, but I wanted more than that. 

I didn't want parts. 

I'd been lying to myself for a long time about how I felt, but that night, I figured out what I wanted. I wanted all of him, and not just the bits and scraps he'd been giving me. I wouldn't survive off of those any longer. 

"Think about it. Maybe you should do something drastic. Show him you mean business." Anne gave me a mischievous smirk, but I didn't know what she was getting at. 

"Drastic how?" I brushed my hair out of my face and turned to face her fully. 

"Ask him to the Yule Ball." Anne tapped her fingernails on the wooden surface of the desk. I froze, eyes wide. 

"Girls don't ask the guys to the dance. No one does that." 

"Exactly. Show him you're serious about him. You are, aren't you?" 

"Well..." I trailed off, not sure how to reply. I hadn't really said it out loud before. Saying it just made it ten times more real than thinking it. "I guess I am." Blush spread across my cheeks, and I looked away from Anne. 

"Then do it. What could go wrong?"

"He could say no." My heart nearly burst at the thought. It would be embarrassing if that happened. 

Girls never asked the guys to the ball. It was unheard of. So not only would I be asking Ominis, but if he said no... I don't know that I could handle his rejection again. Last time tore me to pieces. 

"So what? then you'd know for sure where he stands. I think that's better than sitting around and waiting." 

"Who are you going to the ball with?" I asked, trying to steer the conversation away from myself.  

"That remains to be seen. Though, Leander has been rather persistent about taking me." She gave a fake gag, and I laughed. 

For as long as I could remember, no one liked Leander. They'd even nicknamed gossip about him as 'Leander Slander', which always made me laugh. 

"You better not have said yes," I laughed. 

"Merlin, no. But it's entertaining to see him grovel at my feet like a baby."

Anne and I left the library not long after that conversation and headed back to the common room. I fidgeted the silver locket between my fingers in my pocket as we walked, still curious about who had gifted it to me. 

There wasn't a single person I could think of that made sense. I only hoped that this mysterious person would out themselves eventually like Anne suggested they might. Though, it had been a while since I'd received it.  

Once I reached the dorm, I pulled the cool metal necklace from my pocket and secured it around my neck. Running my fingers over the surface, I only wished that the gifter would reveal themselves. 

Not to pity myself or anything, but I was tired of watching others be happy. I was tired of living in a cloud of numbness. Part of me hoped that the person who'd gifted this to me cared about me. I fantasized about having someone out there love me, and for a while, it felt nice to think about. But reality came crashing back down, and in the darkness of the room as I slept that night, I was reminded that I was alone. 

Of course, I had Anne and my other friends, but what I wanted, a normal friend couldn't give me. 

I wanted that one person--the one who would understand me more than anything else. I wanted someone to hold me, kiss me, and tell me that everything would be alright. 

I'd never had that before.