Mentally Broken

23

Btw the song is punk rock, so it's a little loud^^^
Chapter song: I Don't Care If You're Contagious by Pierce the Veil
-4pm-
(Justin's pov)
Mia and I have to sign out in order to leave this floor between 8am-8pm. We stand in silence as the elevator lowers down. When we walk out, there's a sign that reads 'Dementia Treatment'. This is the floor where patients with Dementia are treated. This place has 8 floors; OCD, Schizophrenia, Dementia, Eating Disorders, Depression, Bipolar, and ADHD. Plus, the 1st floor, which is like a lobby. People like me should be in the Schizophrenia level, but someone put me in for Depression. I'm not sure why they put me in the Depression category, but I'm manageable, because I'm with Mia. I'm sure she should be in the Eating Disorder level, but I guess her mom put her in for Depression too. I lead Mia inside the small, quiet library. The voices crucify me, making me turn every direction from the thought of someone else talking to me. But it's just air and silence outside of my head, where Mia lives.
"Wow, Justin, this is amazi—" "Shh!" the librarian shushes her, so Mia closes her mouth. She then pulls me behind a shelf. "I don't think anyone can see us," Mia sits on the carpet, and so do I. "Oh, look Justin," Mia whispers and holds out a book titled 'Me, Earl, and the Dying Girl'. "W-What's it about?" I ask curiously. "I'm gonna read it to you," Mia opens the book, and I sit next to her, close to her.
-6pm-
Mia has been reading long enough to almost finish the whole book. We've got 3 chapters left. Unfortunately I couldn't keep up with the story, due to all these different conversations in my head. It's so loud and violent inside the walls of my skull, and I can't focus for a straight minute.
"Did you like it so far?" Mia asks as she doggy-pages the book and puts it back on the shelf. "Yeah," I nod. But I honestly didn't hear a word she said. I couldn't understand it. These voices distract me, and they're like a radio in my head, except there's no music. I don't want tell what they say. I'm not allowed to.
Mia smiles warmly; then we get up and walk towards the elevator. "I knew you'd like it," Mia smiles as we arrive back on the 6th floor. It's almost time for dinner, so we sit at our usual spot against the wall. Everything between us is motionless and quiet. I can feel the guilt coming back up; I can feel it at the back of my throat, screaming in my head.
"I'm bad. I'm no good. I'm bad I'm no good," I mutter, not worrying if anyone hears me. I just talk, not really caring when I do or don't.
"I'm so weak. Nobody cares. I'm so weak. Nobody cares..." I hate the thought of everyone I remember turning their back on me. All my friends, they've made me feel like a retard. They called me names; the name that hurts the most, 'crazy,' I know I'm crazy. I know I'm fucked up in the head. They don't have to rub it in.

"Justin, it's time for dinner," Mia breaks my thoughts and mutters softly. I stand up, and we enter the cafeteria. As usual, I get cereal, and Mia gets an apple. We sit down at our table and repeat the same old cycle.
"Hey guys," Katie unexpectedly comes up to us. "Hey," Mia smiles, and I nod as a friendly gesture. "Ok, so tell me all about your relationship, all the details," Katie sits in front of us with a salad. "There's not much to tell," Mia speaks loud enough for Katie to hear. "It's just usual stuff," she shrugs awkwardly. "Oh, c'mon, Mia, there has to be something. I mean, you've gotta admit Justin's totally a cutie..." Katie makes my cheeks burn a little. "...Does he hold your hand? Does he kiss you? Does he—" "Justin does a very good job at everything. How's your day?" Mia politely changes the subject, because we're both blushing like crazy. Another second of that would make me lose my mind, if I only had one. "It's great. What about you?" Katie grins, understanding that we're getting a bit shy.  "It's good. We painted and told stories. It was pretty fun," Mia explains while twirling her hair between her fingers. Katie seems so undisturbed by being in this place . I wonder what floor they assigned her to. During cafeteria, certain levels are joined together, depending on the ability of people to feed themselves and socialize with others. That's why she's with us, and I'm with Justin.
"Well, I should go. It's almost time for bed," Katie stands and waves a gentle goodbye. "Bye," Mia waves kindly. "I'm so jealous of her," Mia speaks before we stand up too. "Why," I shift my eyes to her. "She can manage in here." "...We'll be ok," I assure awkwardly yet kindly. She just nods and stops walking. Mia and I go our separate ways to use the restroom. Suddenly, as I'm about to enter the bathroom, Jake comes up to me.
"You think you're such a bad ass. Don't you? Mia's not safe with you. You can't do shit for her," Jake hisses coldly.
"Nobody can. I'm not trying to do anything," I hear my name being called, but I turn around and see nothing. It's in my head.
"Stop trying to be a smartass. Mia will never be happy with you," he steps closer to me with slyness, so I step back. I don't respond, but I just walk away. I don't want anything to do with him. He can't do anything to hurt me or Mia.

I use the bathroom, wash my face, and brush my teeth. Maybe if I got some sleep I'd be in a better mood. But I'm not, and I can't get any sleep unless my body passes out on me. I enter our room and sit on my bed, waiting for Mia to enter. The room is so quiet and still, like time has been frozen. I wait and wait, and it feels like years are passing. Something's wrong. Mia should be here by now. I hear odd, loud chattering outside the room, and I don't know if it's in my head or not. So I get up and walk out the door into the hallway. There are 2 people standing, looking concerned, in front of a closet door. I hear desperate crying and merciless anger from behind the closet door. My heart hits the floor so hard that I wonder if anyone can hear it. Mia's in there. I just know.
"M-Mia?" My voice is dry and scared straight. "Justin get me out of here. He's going to hurt me!" Mia cries in desperation, and I try my best to open the door, pushing through the big crowd of people. I tug rigorously on the knob, not caring if I hurt myself. I pound constantly and pull as hard as I can. It doesn't budge. Jake is in there too. Dammit.
"Jake, let her go. I begging you!" I plead for Mia. I just need Mia. I NEED her. The voices are getting louder from the tension.
"I'm gonna fuck her, Justin," Jake snickers from behind the door. I need to do something. Now! Oh god. I feel like I'm about to die. "No, please! I know you're jealous, but—" "I'm not jealous!" There's a rough pound, then a yelp from Mia. I'm guessing he just hit her. Shit! I can't think right anymore. I never think right. Not with these voices.
"Ok—you're not jealous. You don't have to hurt her. Please, let her go," I want to cry, yet tear down this door. I want to break every bone in my body just to open the door. I just want to help Mia.
"No." Then I hear another yelp from Mia; she cries so painfully that I want to cut my fucking ears off.
This isn't fair. He's hurting her, my only friend. She's all I ever wanted. If anyone was going to love her, it would've been me. Despite all the voices and hallucinations, I would've cared for her.
I cover my ears as I feel the door get pushed on nonstop. All I can hear is my name being cried out by Mia, and all these screams and shouts in my head. It drives me insane. Her voice will now be stuck in my mind of nightmares.
I'm on the floor, growing crazier by the second, wanting all this to come to an end. Finally, the door opens. The first move I make is punching Jake right in the face. I beat him like he's the disaster I call my life. I pour out the emotions in my mind, every word of every voice. I rip him apart, battling unexplainable frustration. Everything's out of proportion. I'm crazy, and every move I make proves it. I want to unplug my brain, because that sounds better than living with voices. I'm overwhelmed, so I take it out on Jake. I don't understand why he'd want to destroy Mia. Why? Why injure such an innocent girl? Can't he see that she's broken far enough?
Someone pulls me back; then I feel something poke my arm. Ow. Is that a syringe? Suddenly, I feel myself become calm and numb. My head spins a little, and I let go of Jake. Then I see Mia on the floor surrounded my nurses. She's crying and whimpering. I want so badly to hold her. I'm being pulled away from the whole mess, and the next thing I know I shut my eyes.

(A/N: This is a sad post. My bad😔 Still, I hope you liked it. Next post is on Sunday/Monday)