Mentally Broken

34

Chapter song: Twisted by Eminem feat. Skylar Grey
-6am-
The wind blows strong and cold against me, making my eyes crack open.
Justin was muttering something about being fucked up. "Justin, what now?" My voice shakes and wobbles from the cold. "...Anything," he whispers, sounding a lot like the wind. "What are you gonna do?" I loosen my grip on him.
"I don't know. Maybe we can find a place out of town," Justin suggests, but it's totally different than what I gave in mind. I don't know about him, but I'm suicidal. I'm not meant to live. I'm a screwed up, worthless, ugly, miserable, better-off-dead piece of shit. Nothing could fix me.
"Maybe," I whisper and peek out the shattered window. The sky resembles a dark shade of grey and the air is freezing.

There's glass on the floor. There's broken glass on the floor. There's razor sharp glass on the floor. There's a pain reliever on the floor.
Breaking away from Justin, I grab a piece and pull up my sleeve. Without a hint of hesitation, I slice through my scarred skin. Blood immediately seeps out, dripping on the floor. Finally.
Finally, I can feel satisfied. Everything's ok.
But then it fades away. The happiness loses life. It's dead. There's nothing.
Why can't I feel anything?! Why does everything end?! I need something to end the pain!
I cut myself again, then another time, then another time. Before I can rip my skin again, a cold, taut grip pulls my arm back. Justin.
"I don't wanna be here!" I scream, hopelessly wanting to end it all. "Mia...Please," Justin's dark, bloodshot eyes shovel through my eyes. I tremble a little as Justin holds me in front of him. Then his eyes lower fearfully to my wrists.
"Blood," he whispers breathily. He stares at my wrists and lowers himself over them, his eyes strangled with insanity.
"Blood." His cold breath hits against my torn skin.
"Justin," I nervously watch him, trying to figure out why he looks so terrified.
"I cause this." His fingers drag against my open wounds, making my wince.
"I mess everything up," he shakes lightly; then his lips combined with the blood pouring out of my veins.
And I'm totally confused and astonished. What the hell is happening?
"Justin, come here," I move my arms away from him, then face him, face to face.
"Distract me," I kiss him, not caring if blood is smothered all over his mouth. I just want to show him I care.
"Mia, I'm sorry," Justin wipes his mouth, still shaking in his hands. "It's ok," I kiss him again and ignore the metal-like taste in my mouth.
(Justin's pov)
-12pm-
Mia and I haven't do much. We're planning to steal a car and drive to another country. "Nobody will ever know about us." I've apologized for my past actions, the whole blood incident. I don't know what got into me. Something in me was triggered at the sight of blood. My thoughts were out of control. My mom was one of them, but so was Lisa. I couldn't stop to realize what I was doing until it was too late.

Mia's scared straight. I guess I am too, because we managed to break out of a mental hospital. Plus, we have no idea where we are or what we're doing.
"Justin, I love you," Mia suddenly hugs me and breathes in deeply. "I love you too," I hug her back and breathe her in. "I'm so confused," she whispers in a lifeless breath. "Me too. We'll go tonight," I feel her shiver in my arms.

Suddenly, the sound of sirens vibrates through the air. Mia and I snap our attention out of the broken window to see police cars going around.
"Justin, do you think they're after us?" Mia sits back down away from the window, looking terrified. "I don't know." Is it possible? Was this all meant to be? I guess they've found us, so now what? "I don't want to go back there. Justin, what do we do?"Mia sounds shaken and anxious. "I don't know." Damn, what do I know? I don't know what I'm doing. What if we came all this way just to end up back where we started?
"I can't do this, Justin. We're gonna get caught," Mia's eyes are glossy and drenched in sadness.
"Mia, don't overthink thi—" "How can I not?! I'm so scared! Justin, it's over!" Mia shouts and pulls her hair like she's trying to rip it off.
"It's not over Mia—" "We don't know what the fuck we're doing!—" "Mia, we'll think of somethi—" "No, we won't!" Mia cries and hollers in frustration and hopelessness. But I don't know what to do. I'm just a schizophrenic.
"I-I...I don't know what to tell you. I can't make anything better. We can leave tonight. That's the only option," I tell her with the same type of pain in my eyes. It hurts. As much as I don't wanna feel anything, I can't. I'm not a robot. I can't make myself into a robot.

If there's a way to cure our heads, I would take it without hesitation. But there isn't, and diseases like ours aren't easy to get rid of.
We're so fucked up, it's almost permanent. Our minds are so broken. We can't be saved. "Only death can cure our madness."

Mia's crying her eyes out in the corner. I can see her frail body shaking, and her delicate lungs making her breaths uneven.
"You wanna know what my mom used to sing when she was scared?" I move over to sit with her, and I embrace her cold atmosphere.
"W-what?" Her voice breaks apart. "Across the ocean, across the sea, Starting to forget the way you look at me now. Over the mountains, across the sky, Need to see your face, I need to look in your eyes. Through the storm and through the clouds. Bumps on the road and upside down now. I know it's hard, babe, to sleep at night. Don't you worry 'cause everything's gonna be alright. Be alright," I quietly sing in her ear. I'm not a good singer, but I just need Mia to feel better, despite my numerous voice cracks.
"Your voice is beautiful," Mia sniffles and hugs me closer. "Thanks." But I don't believe it. Anything good right now is unbelievable. "I know you're scared, Mia. We're gonna find a way out of here. I promise you that we will find a way," I comfort her, but I don't tell her what's going on in my mind.

(A/N: Omfg guys I just realized that there's only one more chapter left. Tbh I'm gonna need a little more time to write the sequel to Confusion. In the meantime, I'll continue to post Deadly in Love and moments along with that. I love you guys💕)