Mentally Broken

8

Chapter song: I'm Low on Gas and You Need a Jacket by Pierce the Veil
(Mia's pov)
-Sunday, 7am-
I haven't gotten much sleep. I've only gotten 3 hours with one of the reasons being that Justin wouldn't stop muttering and scratching. He doesn't do it purposely, so I can't exactly blame him.

I will do anything to get out of here. I've studied the room, but I swear there's no way out. I feel like a fucking prisoner.
Maybe I should try what Justin's doing. My nails are sharp enough to damage my skin. However, I don't know if Justin does it because he's depressed. I think he does it, because he can't help it. But who in here isn't a little depressed?
We can't get one single breath of fresh air, or go outside. All I breathe in is the scent of medicine and hand sanitizer. What am I going to DO if I get out of here? I'm definitely not going back home. Mom's gonna treat me like a 5 year old. Elle's gonna make me hate myself to the grave. Everything will be much worse.
"Justin," I whisper out, because my throat is sore from crying all night. Justin's sitting on his bed, whispering things to himself. I don't think he hears me.
"Justin," I sit up and dry my eyes. His cold, dark eyes contact mine, showing me he's listening.
"How do you survive in here?" I don't know how he's always so carefree. Justin lightly shrugs.
"Breakfast!" someone shouts from the hall. We stand up tiredly, then walk out. My body feels like it's going to shut down on me any minute now. I get myself ready for the day in the bathroom. At least I don't feel as watched as I used to. Justin's talking to the wall when I walk out.
"You ready?" I break his conversation between him and the wall. He doesn't answer, but he follows me into the cafeteria. They're serving overcooked sausage and nasty-looking eggs. Justin gets the usual Cap'n Crunch, and I got a handful of dry Cheerios. I stare wearily at them, hating myself for even thinking about eating. To be honest, I find it harder to eat than to starve. I guess I'm just used to it.
"Good morning," a nurse hands each of us our medicines. Justin and I take them; then the nurse hands me an orange.
"You need to eat more than that," she speaks sternly, then walks away. I sigh, feeling Justin's gentle eyes on me.
"I'll eat it for you," he takes the orange, then starts peeling it.
"...thanks," I don't bother to decline. He's already eating it.
"Mia, you look good today," Jake approaches us. I remember our conversation from yesterday.
"Thank you." My cheeks heat up. I'm not used to being complimented by anyone, especially boys.
"So you want to join me today?" However, he sort of creeps me out. Jake looks like he doesn't have much self control. Didn't Justin say he has bipolar?
"Thanks, but I'd rather not," I respond nervously. I want to stay with Justin. I'm more comfortable with him. There's a sense of safety that embraces me when I'm with Justin.
"C'mon, Mia, one time won't hurt," Jake puts his greedy hand on my arm. I glance anxiously at Justin. I don't know why but maybe Justin means more to me than I thought.
"Sorry but no," I nicely slide his hand off my arm.
"Just come with me, Mia," he grab my arm again, tighter than last time. Oh crap.
"She said no. Don't touch her," Justin speaks irritably, eyes stirring up a fire.
"Ok, so now the freak is talking. What? Are you in love with her?" Jake teases horribly with a smirk on his face.
"Get your fucking hands off her! She doesn't want you!" Justin snaps with his eyes explode with fury.
"So she wants a messed up lunatic like you?" Jake shoots back hurtfully; I can feel it even though it wasn't shot at me.
"...Get away from her," Justin seems angry, but I can tell that he's hurt. His eyes show it all, the fire dying out and turning cold.
"Whatever you say," Jake chuckles, then walks away. Once we're left alone, Justin sighs and barges out without bothering to invite me. I don't take it personally. I throw away the rest of my Cheerios, then rush after him. When I enter the hangout/meeting room I see Justin sitting in one of the plastic chairs with his head in his hands. As I step closer, I realize he's crying. My heart drenches in hurt. I've never seen a boy cry before, not even my dad. I've got to admit it hurts more than seeing a girl cry.
"Justin," I sit beside him, unaware of what to say. "It's ok, Justin." I speak as soothingly as I can.
"He's right...I'm messed up. It's not like I can help it," Justin cries painfully. He's shaking like crazy and breathing out of order.
"Hey, that's not true. You're perfectly normal to me," I try to get him to look at me, but so far I'm unsuccessful.
"I want to rip my fucking brain out," he speaks coldly, but his voice cracks.
"No, you don't. Justin, what you did was amazing. Nobody had ever stood up for me like that. EVER," I'm telling the solid truth.
"...Thanks, Mia," Justin sniffles but doesn't look at me. He keeps flinching, obviously agitated.
"Here," I hand him a few tissues. His eyes are red and puffy, and his cheeks are wet from tears. His bottom lip is trembling softly until he bites it and takes the tissues.
"Better?" I fasten his hood, which is about to fall off his head. Justin nods and continues to sniffle. I smile at the pinkness of his nose, and the way he looks like a cute puppy. I feel like I've actually helped someone for once in my life, without causing harm to myself.

Soon enough, people start filling up the seats, and the lecture starts. The speaker begins talking about how we should take care of ourselves. I roll my eyes at the topic. I want to hurt myself in some way. I don't care how, but I just want to cause pain to myself. I want to break every fucking rule. I want to do what I want. I don't want to take care of myself or "be my own hero." I want to die. I want to take a rope, tie it around my neck, then jump to my long-awaited death.
(Justin's pov)
-Sunday, 10am-
Words fucking hurt. Apparently, that no good piece of shit, Jake, can't realize that.
"Does he think I don't know all of it is true?" I know pretty damn well that I'm crazy. I've had about 4-5 of my closest friends call me that, including my ex girlfriend. Well, my dead girlfriend now. It's not my fault that I can't think straight. I haven't been able to think correctly in months, years maybe. My head is a mess, and I'm so fucking sick of it. These voices are haunting me. I wish I could somehow shut it down. It can't be that difficult, right?
"Hey Justin, how's it going?" Za walks up to me, and I shrug gloomily.
"Hey, aren't you new? Uhm, Mia, am I right?" Za looks at Mia, smiling welcomely at her.
"Yeah, and you are?" Mia responds with the nicest smile she can, but she still seems lower than ever. She always has this broken look in her eyes. It begs me to freeze her heart so she can die within seconds. I would do it, but I've already murdered enough people.
"I'm Za. Justin and I met in the bathroom. He let me cut in front of him," Za smiles goofily. I smile at the memory, and Mia smiles too.
"I heard you guys are roommates. That's pretty cool. They don't normally put guys and girls together," Za smoothly states while leaning against the wall.
"Yeah, Justin's so nice," Mia smiles amiably at me, so I keep smiling at her despite the voices telling me not to believe it.
"I bet he is," Za winks at her, making her blush. It makes me smile, how cute she looks. This is not how I normally think, but Mia is something beyond my limits.
"Well, I'll see y'all around. It's nice to meet Justin's roomie," Za smiles one last time at us before walking away.
"Are you ok, Justin?" Mia scoots closer to me.
"Yeah," I answer with unseen dishonesty. She nods, and everything between us goes silent.
"I wish I could die," Mia whispers loud enough for me to hear, but sharp enough to cut the silence.
"Don't feel that way, Mia," I look at her hurt expression, feeling hopeless.
"It's kinda hard not to when there's people, including my own family, calling me a slut." Her voice is shaky and falling apart. If there's a way to keep her from getting worse, I'll take it.
"I don't think you're a slut," I study the way her eyelashes flutter to hold back tears.
"Thanks," she smiles at me, causing a tear to slip by. She quickly wipes it away, like I can't see it.
"Let's watch some tv," I move in front of the tv with Mia sitting next to me. There's nothing important on, but I like to stare at the screen. During the time we sit together, I feel Mia's hand desperately clasp around mine. I don't tense up as much as I used to. At least not with Mia. I've gotten used to her gentle yet freezing touch. She's harmless to me, and I trust her. I clasp my hand on hers too.
"Hey, no touching!" a nurse glares at us, so we let go. It's lunchtime anyway.

(A/N: I'm listening to Justin's Christmas album! I'm so happy!😍  next post is on Friday or Saturday)

😛 Vote ❤️️