Mentally Broken

16

Chapter song: Hospital for Souls by BMTH
(Mia's pov)
-Wednesday, 8pm-
After painting, Justin and I leave our work out to dry as we watch tv in the corner. South Park is on, so we watch that. It's pretty funny, but neither of us let out a chuckle; we did smile though. Basically everything that used to provide humor is not effective anymore.
All contact is avoided since we we're sitting near more people. I hear someone shout for dinner, so we walk back into the cafeteria. I get an orange this time for Justin. I'm sure he gets tired of eating apples all day.

After a quiet, boring dinner, we go our separate ways to use the bathroom. I take a really long shower since I haven't taken one in forever. It feels so good to be clean, but it feels so cold once I enter the freezing hallway again. My hair being wet isn't making me any warmer, neither is this thin jacket. When I enter our room, I see our latest masterpiece hanging up on my side of the wall. It's in the perfect spot.

"Aw, it looks amazing," I admire it and admire Justin as well. He must've taken a shower too, because his hair is darker, which means it's wet. "...I know," Justin's sitting criss cross in the middle of his bed.
"I hope you don't mind," I sit in front of him, the same way he is. "I don't." His caramel chocolate eyes have my stomach jumping up and down.
"I just wanted to thank you for being here for me. It really means a lot, Justin. You're worth something I would die for," I have trouble looking at him without losing my head. I feel like I could die at any moment. But I don't mind that.
"Thanks, Mia. You know, you've been better to me than anyone has in a while," Justin seems to have the same eye contact problem as me. It's harder than it seems. The room collapses in silence as we both get the courage to look at each other. Even though my heart feels like it's drowning, I don't break contact with his eyes; I can see all his madness from here.

Suddenly, our lips move from 10 inches apart to 3 inches apart. My heart is skipping almost every beat, and my eyes can't keep open anymore. I go with my instinct and keep them closed before I feel something incredibly soft and warm against my lips. It's the feeling of Justin's lips, as expected, with his minty breath and fluffy marshmallow scent. I don't dare open my eyes. Instead, I slide my arms around his neck, making his hood slip off his head and exposing his perfect, still-wet hair. This moment is elevating and I don't want it to stop. My legs somehow make their way around his waist as we kiss. Justin gently cups his hands around my face, tracing my jawline with his thumb.
Soon I realize he's French kissing me. I go with it, even though just a kiss is enough for me. The kiss is never-ending and so perfect. It's like a mixture of pain and love trading between our lips and tongues. Unfortunately, the moment comes to an end. We're both speechless.
"I-I'm so sorry, Mi-" "No, no...I kind of...was hoping that would happen." My cheeks burn with shyness. Justin smiles warmly; then we collide our lips together again, and a fuzzy warm feeling spreads throughout my skin. Justin's lips are probably the only warm trait on him. His kissing is unexpected yet skillful. I know he had a girlfriend, but I didn't think he was this good at the whole kissing thing. I mean, he's amazing.
When the kiss breaks, we're both unsure of what to say or do.
"Sorry if I took it too far," Justin mutters, the scratches on his neck visible.
"It's ok," my lips are tingling, and I'm blushing fiercely.
"I-I don't know what to say," Justin seems frustrated yet confused.
"I've never kissed anyone before," I narrow my eyes, feeling insecure about myself.
"Hey, you were good for me," he smiles and glances at my lips.
"Thanks," my cheeks burn even more, making my heart go insane.
"...I know we're just friends, but is it too soon?" Justin seems uneasy about his words, and it gets me contemplating.
"No," my voice changes to a low whisper. I mean, it's needless to say we're not just friends anymore. I don't even know if we were just friends to begin with. All I know is that I feel a little less unimportant with him. The suicidal thoughts lighten up a little.
"Listen...I'm not good with keeping relationships," Justin sounds shameful about it, but it's not like I know much about love anyway.
"Well, I never had a boyfriend before, so I can't judge you,"I smile slightly, and he smile back.
"I may not be the best though." he continued to smile, his eyes swallowing me up whole.
"I don't care. You're the only one keeping me alive now," I mutter in sadness that I've hit rock bottom. With that said, Justin hugs me. I know he's still uneasy about the whole touching thing. I can tell he's getting used to it.
"I should get to bed," I narrow my eyes, then step off the bed.
"Mia..." Justin stops me with his quiet words.
"Yeah?" I turn back around to face him.
"Is it possible to fall in love with someone this fast?" a cute smile forms on his lips, causing butterflies in my stomach.
"I don't know. I've never been in love before," I smile, then crawl into my cold, hard bed. I can feel my heart racing, and a smile across my face. Is this even possible? I've haven't even known Justin for long, and we just kissed! Maybe we're trying to distract ourselves. Maybe love is the best I can get in this hell-hole.
-Thursday, 6:30am-
I didn't sleep well last night, but it's ok, because I was up thinking about Justin. Does he love me? Or is he just caught up in the moment? Am I just overthinking? I wish I could enter Justin's head to see what he's thinking. I want to understand why anyone would love me. I sigh and sit up in my bed, staring off into space.
"What is it, Mia?" Justin's voice makes me snap out of my head. He's sitting on his bed and staring at the door ahead of him. He's been doing that all night. As well as talking to himself. It feels rude to listen to his private conversations so I stopped listening.
"Nothing," I mutter and run a hand through my messy hair, trying to get rid of tangles.
"What if we get caught?" I ask out loud.
"They don't notice unless we make physical contact in front of them," Justin answers blankly.
"Justin?" I start to grow nervous, due to my uncontrollable anxiety.
"Hm?" he's tracing his finger on his bed.
"Can we...uhm..." my cheeks fill with anxiousness. I want to kiss him again.
"C'mere, Mia," he mutters, and I go and sit next to him on his bed.
"Y-You read my mind," Justin looks at me with a small grin on his face. I smile back and lean in. Our lips meet and stay there for about 6 seconds before they split apart.
"Are you sure it's not too early?" he mumbles, his voice tired and gravely.
"I'm pretty sure," I honestly don't know if it's too early or not. I've never had anyone this close to my heart before. I mean, it feels right. So why the hell not?
"Good," he hugs me close, and I hug back gratefully.
"Breakfast!" someone shouts down the hall, and I instantly move away from Justin. We both walk out and go separate ways in order to wash up and use the bathroom. I take a quick, cold shower. The water doesn't get very warm in here, but I don't mind. It's no different than the air. I dry myself, then change back into my clothes. My hair is still dripping wet, so I try to squeeze the rest of the water out. Justin's waiting on me out in the hall while talking with Za. And there's another guy talking with them. He's tall with darker skin than Justin, and he has buzzed, dark hair.

(A/N: Who do you think the guy is? My trip to Las Vegas was so much fun! Lol my brother and I kept asking people if they wanted to buy Nascar tickets😂 and there's just a bunch of random people. lol I guess what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas 😬 Next post is on Friday)

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