Mentally Broken

9

Chapter song: Shelter by Birdy
(Justin's pov)
For lunch, there are grilled cheese sandwiches with a small cup of tomato soup. I get the lunch today since it's something that is barely enjoyable. Mia grabs an apple, like usual. She also takes a plastic knife. She cuts the apple as if she's letting her anger out, which makes me feel concerned.
"What's wrong?" I scan the poorly cut apple laying across from me.
"What's wrong? Everything's wrong. I don't want to be here. That's what's wrong!" Mia puts her head down on the table, hiding her face. Her voice is full of brokenness.
"Mia, I know you'd do anything to get out. I wish I could help, but I can't. Trust that it's gonna be ok," I cautiously brush my fingers over her arm. Making contact with other people scares me, but I feel like Mia needs it.
"Really?" she looks at me with teary eyes. I know she most likely doesn't believe me, but maybe she'll realize that someone's here for her. I am, and so are these voices.
"Yeah," I move my hand away from her, because a nurse is coming our way.
"You need to eat all of your apple," the nurse speaks demandingly to Mia and is willing to watch her. Oh no.
"I will," Mia mumbles anxiously and cuts her apple into smaller, 1in. pieces. I know the nurse is going be here until Mia eats all of the apple.
"I don't know what to do," I can't help her.
"Do I have to?" Mia asks after her second bite.
"Yes," the nurse answers strictly. I want to help Mia so badly, but there's nothing I can do without creating a bigger conflict.
"I-I can't," Mia's about to cry, which makes me want to yell at the nurse to leave her alone.
"I'm not leaving until you do," the nurse crosses her arms. I mentally sigh and put my head down, so I don't have to see this. I don't like to see Mia in tears.
. . .
After minutes of arguing and crying and forcing Mia to eat, the nurse finally leaves. Mia is sobbing in her jacket sleeves. She gags but covers her mouth, so she doesn't take it too far.
"I feel sick," Mia runs over to a trashcan and lets it all out. Luckily, many people thought Mia was actually sick and not throwing herself up. The nurse is long gone, so Mia won't have to eat again After wiping her mouth, Mia continues crying, her body whimpering. She sits by the trash can with her head in her hands.

"C'mon, Mia, let's go," I help her up and lead her out of the cafeteria, into the hallway. She seems to know where she's going, so I stop to use the bathroom.

I hate being watched while I use the bathroom. It's stupid. It's not like I'm doing anything wrong by taking a piss. When I return back to our room, Mia's still crying. I break my own rules and sit beside her. I can feel her pain from where I'm sitting. I wonder if she can feel mine.
"Mia, you're gonna be ok," I speak softly to her, hoping I've said the right thing.
"Get me out of here, Justin," she cries, and I wish she would stop.
"I wish I could," I lower my voice to an audible whisper.
"I don't belong here. I just want to die," she sobs hopelessly while hugging herself for fake support..
"Don't," I make a move and cautiously place my hand on her back. I can feel her spine through her clothing, which makes me regret ever touching her.
"Can I do that? Can I just find a way to kill myself? Because I can't take this anymore," Mia's voice is breaking up from all the crying and whimpering.
"No, Mia. I know it's difficult, but you can't do crazy things. You'll end up in a place that's worse," I gently pat her back, trying my best to feel comfortable with physical contact. She doesn't answer, just continues crying.
"No more crying," I delicately stroke her back; then she leans into my lap. I flinch and tense up, but soon start to get used to her touch. I think I'm starting to like the way Mia feels, and the way her touch is harmless and gentle with me. It's not the touch itself; it's the feelings the touch brings to me. I feel loved whenever Mia's near me.
Mia cries in my lap. In return for her comforting me earlier, I cautiously embrace her whimpering body. I've got to admit this feels amazing. I don't know the last time I've actually felt so comforted. Ever since my parents died, I've been treated like I'm stupid, like I'm a fucking nobody. Everyone at school never took me serious. I was called "loser" and "dumb." But ever since Mia's been in my life, I've felt like someone cares about me.
"Thank you so much, Justin," Mia eventually calms down and sniffles in my lap.
"Are you gonna be ok?" I help her sit back up, feeling my breathing return to normal.
"Yeah," she wipes her watery eyes with her damp sleeve.
"Get some sleep, Mia," I stand and walk to my bed, letting the voices steal my attention.
"Ok," she mumbles and lies down uncomfortably on her bed. I feel like I've just got off a roller coaster. All the crying, breaking, and touching really leaves me stranded.

I face the wall and think about my life. I know that I'm a psycho. I'm mentally crazy and fucked up. I would do anything to be normal. Anything. I don't care if I'm anything special. I just want to live a normal life, where people wouldn't be so offended by my lack of control.
"I'm crazy and fucked up. I'm crazy and fucked up," I repeat under my breath. Mia curls up in her blanket and cries again. This will definitely be a normal night in a mental hospital, with the air filled with grief and anger.
(Mia's pov)
-Monday, 6am-
A lot has happened since I've been in this mental hospital. I've been tortured with food, broken down by words, abandoned by my family, beaten up by rules, and haunted by evil thoughts. However, I've met new people, made REAL friends and been comforted by the most incredible—and cute—boy I've ever met. I don't know what Justin's been through, but it must've been pretty bad if he's living in his head all day and night. All I know is that everyone's here because of one thing, the world. Whether it's society, being judged, or accidents. Everyone's here because of this cruel world.

(A/N: I'm so exhausted. I ran 8 miles today and I have a major headache. Anyway, so are you excited for thanksgiving?! I know I am! Next post might be a little delayed bc of the length. Should I split it up?)

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