The alarm on Mae's phone vibrated sharply against her wooden side table on Monday morning. She opened her eyes to the hazy light creeping through the thin curtains and checked the time: 7:03 a.m.
She still feel a slight pain down there.
Without much hesitation, she rose from bed, her thoughts already racing. She padded across the small bedroom, opened the door, and found her mother in the kitchen, busy with the clinking of plates.
"Mom," Mae began, trying to sound casual, "I'll head back to Dagupan today."
Her mother looked up from slicing vegetables, her eyebrows knitting together. "So soon? You just got back yesterday."
Mae smiled faintly, avoiding her mother's eyes. "I... just have something I need to take care of. It's important."
Her mother shrugged, clearly unconvinced but not pressing the matter. "Fine, but don't skip lunch before you leave."
Mae nodded, though her mind was already far from home.
By 9:00 a.m...
Mae was seated inside a jeepney bound to the clinic. The morning air carried the salty tang from the coastal wind, yet inside her chest there was a heavier scent a mix of nervousness and dread.
She stared at her phone screen, reading and rereading the result of her medical examination months ago inside Dr. Tricia Lucero's Clinic.
Mae's fingers tapped restlessly on her thigh. She didn't want anyone not even her closest friends to know why she was going back. All she knew was that her mind had been restless since last night.
The clinic's waiting area was quiet except for the faint whir of the air conditioner. A small potted plant in the corner swayed slightly under the cool air's push.
"Mae Hermosa?" the nurse called.
She stood, forcing a polite smile, and followed the nurse to a small room with pale green walls. Inside, Dr. Lucero was already seated at her desk, reviewing a file.
"Miss Bulacan!" the doctor said warmly. "It's been a while. You look... worried. What's going on?"
Mae hesitated, fingers twisting together. "Doctor... I came because I need to know something. About my... hymen."
The doctor's eyebrows rose slightly, but she didn't look surprised. "Alright. Sit down. Tell me what happened."
Mae sat across from the doctor, her voice low, almost conspiratorial. "Last night... I was with someone. We got... close. Closer than before. I thought it might be enough to... you know, change things. But..." She glanced down at her hands. "I didn't bleed. And I felt pain. So I'm not sure if... I still am..."
The doctor leaned back slightly, hands folded. "You want to know if you're still a virgin in the physical sense."
Mae nodded.
"Alright," Dr. Lucero said. "Let's do a proper examination. Then we'll talk."
The room grew quieter as Mae lay back on the examination chair. The doctor's movements were calm, practiced. After several moments, Dr. Lucero adjusted her glasses and said:
"Well... it's still intact. Exactly the same as the last time I examined you."
Mae blinked. "The same? No difference at all?"
Dr. Lucero smiled faintly. "To the naked eye, none. Your hymen is unusually thick, strong enough to resist significant force. But, I can see the tiniest hint of stress in one spot, but it's extremely minor. Barely a scratch."
Mae frowned. "But... it hurt. I thought...I'm not..."
"Pain can come from many things," Dr. Lucero interrupted gently. "Tension, position, unfamiliar movement. But a thick hymen... that's another matter. Think of it like this: when most people lose their virginity, the tear is deep enough to be unmistakable like a deep cut that need stitches. Yours, however, is like trying to shoot Supergirl. Ordinary people would be gravely injured but she'd only get a scratch."
Despite her anxiety, Mae let out a short laugh. "So I'm Supergirl now?"
"In one respect, yes." the doctor said, smiling.
Dr. Lucero's tone shifted. "Do you remember what I told you the last time you came? About... breaking it by installments?"
Mae's cheeks warmed. "Yes."
"And? Did you...?" The doctor tilted her head.
Mae hesitated. "I did. More than once. In several occasions. It was all accidents, unexpected and sudden. I didn't plan to do it but it happened." She avoided explaining too much, her words trailing into vagueness.
The doctor studied her face, curiosity flickering in her eyes. "I see. And how many... attempts.....or...attempted?"
Mae's lips curved into a wry, embarrassed smile. "Not too many....."
Dr. Lucero leaned forward. "Then here's the reality, Mae. Your hymen is like a very thick piece of cardboard. One poke with a finger won't tear it. But repeated pressure over time can weaken it until eventually it gives way with just a single touch. If you keep doing it, the damage will be subtle at first. Little tears. Gradual thinning. Until finally, one day, it breaks."
Mae swallowed. "When will it happen? I mean, how many attempts?"
The doctor didn't answer.
"Here's my question, do you want that to happen with just anyone? A hundred little strikes from different people... is that how you want to be remembered by your own body? Or would you rather let one person, the right person be the one to finally break through?" The doctor asked.
Mae felt her heartbeat quicken. The doctor's words lingered, heavier than the air in the room.
"I'm not telling you what to do," Dr. Lucero continued, her voice softer now. "But if you choose to go little by little, be ready for the pain each time. Even the smallest tear will sting. And each time, you'll be left wondering if it's gone... only to find it's still there."
Mae gave a small, rueful laugh. "Like an unbroken wall."
"Exactly," the doctor said. "And sometimes... walls are worth keeping until you truly want them down."
Mae sat in silence, the metaphors swirling in her mind—Supergirl, cardboard, walls. All of them seemed to blur into something both personal and unspoken.
The check-up ended with a faint click of the doctor's pen as she signed her notes. Mae stood, adjusting her bag over her shoulder.
"You're still a virgin, physically" Dr. Lucero said finally, almost as if to reassure her.
Mae nodded, exhaling deeply. "Thank you, doctor."
As she stepped outside into the late morning sunlight, the air felt cooler against her skin, her chest lighter. Yet somewhere inside, the doctor's words remained about patience, about choice, about what it meant to hold onto something until the right moment.
For now, Mae thought, she didn't have to worry. But the mystery of when, how, and with whom... lingered like a shadow she couldn't quite shake.
She then took a ride toward Liza's place.
YOU ARE READING
The Unbroken But Impure
RomanceA story of a young woman who, though still a virgin, already carries experiences with men because of painful events in her life. How long can she protect her honor? Will she still be able to offer what she has been safeguarding to the man she loves...
