Too Deep Too Late (Suicidal Izuku Midoriya)

Too deep

Izuku was tired. His scarred hands were clenched to his side as he made his way towards the 1-A dorms. The day started off just like any other but had gradually gotten worse and worse until he just had to take a walk. His dark sweatpants were dirty and worn from use, but Izuku couldn't bring himself to care. Not right now. His sleep schedule was becoming more and more jumbled and the hours he would actually spend sleeping were restless.

The nightmares were visibly eating him alive. The memories of middle school mixed in with pain and suffering were, on most nights, too much and Midoriya would spend hours crying in his bathroom. The thought that his newly found powers would one day disappear and he would be left with nothing scared him. No friends, no education, no trust and no reason to keep going every day.

To that, Izu chuckled. A reason? To live? Did he really have any? Yes, there were the powers he was gifted by his all-time favourite hero, but those could be given to somebody more deserving. There must be some quirkless kid even more heroic than him. More deserving.

He quickly shook that thought off. "No, mom would be devastated." Even though Inko wasn't always there for him she really did mean well. He should probably call her...

Finally, he climbed up the stone steps and opened the door. A small clock on the wall showed eight thirty and the rest of his class were doing their evening routines. Somebody was heating leftovers in the kitchen (probably Kaminari) while the girls were finishing up their homework on the dining table. Dark shadow was rejoicing "Soon it will be dark! DARK!" And then there was a " Can you just be quiet?"

"Oh, Midoriya hi! Did you have a nice walk?" Iida asked, adjusting his classes.

"Uh yeah." He took his red shoes off. The smell of shampoo and curry were strong in the air.

" Hey Mido wanna play a game? I won the last round on Mario Kart and now Bakubro won't play with me!" Kirishima yelled from the couch. He had on his red "Rock it!" shirt.

" No thanks Kiri I'm really tired! I'll just go to bed early."

As Midoriya walked to the stairs Bakugou gave him a side eye. There clearly was something wrong with the green haired boy, but what? He didn't bother to ask, turning his gaze away and back to the tv.

Up in the comfort of his own room, Izuku stared at a small carving knife. It had been an impulse buy back in the good days, when he still had a friend in Kacchan. The handle was red, his favourite colour. He had hidden it under his bed in case of an attack. Now, however, he had other use for it. The door was locked and the curtains were closed. Alone at last.

He rolled up his sleeve and ran the blade across his pale wrist, imbued with scars old and new. The newest being only a few days old. Thin red lines formed fast and at an alarming pace but there was no one to care.

While doing so, Izuku thought about his day. It had been bad to say the least. Iida scolded him for waking up super early and not really eating at breakfast, Aizawa told him how disappointed he was during training and even though he didn't really say it, expulsion scared the shit out of Izuku. Then there was the lack of sleep, constant fear of being attacked or hurt in some way and, last but not least, one for all. It took so much time and energy to keep it from breaking his bones or tearing his muscles.

Sometimes Izuku wished he would not have been gifted this power (No shut up). This power that made him so strong. This power that made people like him and want to be his friend. This thing that hurt him- wait no. This thing that broke him piece by piece (No stop). Power that truly did not belong to him (NO). No one would be his friend without it (Not true). People only liked and trusted him because of something he was given, not because of HIM! Why was it breaking him and no one noticed? He was suffering, withering away and nobody did anything! He should just die (Too deep!).

Izuku looked down and saw between the thin lines were deep, angry cuts, that were oozing out blood. Things were getting out of hand and Izu new it. He tried to keep them from bleeding by holding a hand over them, but no luck. His sheets were soaked and the shirt, if not before, was getting tossed out now. He stood up on shaky legs and stumbled to the bathroom, knocking something down. Thinking that maybe he could stop the blood with cold water, Izuku bent down to open the faucet on his tub. The water turned soon red and the last thing Izuku thought was that red was such a pretty colour.

Then he closed his eyes.

Somebody caught him as his body fell.