Too Deep Too Late (Suicidal Izuku Midoriya)

Scar's a burden

Time passed, the weather changed. Days became nights, and nights became days in an unyielding order that no one could escape from. The wind turns colder and harsher, ripping the last remaining leaves from trees. Even the ones that had yet to turn orange were soon gone, signifying the rotation of seasons. They were raked into multiple neat piles near pathways where they were easy to collect.

Izuku sits by a window overlooking the schoolyard. On his shoulders lay a thick green blanket that's wrapped tightly around him. The chair he's in is large, comfortable, and a pleasant warm yellow. His eyes are dry and itchy, but he can't bring himself to rub them. Izuku isn't sure what day it is or what time it is. He's not even sure how long he has been sitting here.

" Hey." Aizawa Shota comes from behind him and lays a hand on his shoulder. It's warm and comforting, giving him an invitation to share his thoughts.

But he doesn't respond.

" You didn't come to class today. And Inui-san told me you skipped your meeting again. This is the third one now... Everything okay? Do you wanna talk about it?"

Izuku would have liked to say that yes, everything was fine and that there was no need to worry. But he just didn't have the energy to. The boy often fantasized about a reality where he accepted Aizawa's help with open arms and got better in one night. That he just woke up one day and felt lighter and not so, what would Kacchan say? Shitty? But it was all that, fantasy, and nothing else. 

Things like this didn't work like that.

Izuku tries to recall where everything changed, began to spiral like this, but that too is hard. After that day at the mall, he and Todoroki had been found by their two sensei's sitting on a bench. Shoto had been trying to ask Izuku if he was okay, holding on to his hand like afraid he would disappear. He had wanted to respond, to tell him that he was okay and that they needed to call the authorities, but he felt like his mouth was full of sand. Sand that cut his throat when he swallowed and left him unable to form a sentence. Later while sitting in his room, Izuku noticed his thoughts becoming thick like porridge, where his own voice slowed down and forming ideas became impossible.

He racked his brain to try and find a reason for it but couldn't think of anything except the meeting with Shigaraki. But what about that had triggered this? What had he said?

" Just remember that this won't last forever. This pit you have fallen into, you will get back up again. You just need to help yourself."

" I know." The boy sighed. He felt like a hundred years were weighing him down to this chair.

The man crouched down to be on the same level.

" Inui-san has requested you be put on antidepressants. Therapy alone is clearly not helping."

As much as he wanted to deny everything, he just couldn't anymore. The stubborn Izuku Midoriya had to finally admit that something had to be done when his fear of failure wasn't enough to get him out of bed.

" The hero work studies are coming soon. " Aizawa continued.