Heaven, Hell, and Earth

Chapter 57

Charlie expected to find Alastor and Angel grounded when she returned to the bureau that evening. After all, those two had broken a major rule and she thought surely there was no chance they could possibly get away with it. But upon arriving, she quickly learned that this had been the perfect day to break the rules. Solomon was in the clinic, Moxxie was busy looking after him, Millie was tending to Vaggie, and Blitzo had gotten drunk the night before. No wonder those two had decided to take such a huge risk, it was almost the equivalent of a prison with no warden.

But it was a good thing they came back when they did, cause right around the afternoon, Solomon was feeling much better. Better enough to re-start Charlie on her training exercises. Heaven knows, she had not be looking forward to this at all and very much wanted to avoid it all together. But Solomon was right, she needed to control herself or she would never be able to stop having meltdowns, otherwise she'd be a constant threat to the world.

"The most important thing to remember Charlotte, is to remain calm." He told her. "Your fire is triggered by your fear, it's a defense mechanism. It's your body trying to protect you when danger is near, which can be a very good thing if you can keep it under control. Once the flames appear you get more scared and panicked, the higher your fear goes, the stronger the flames will grow."

"But how can I stay calm when that happens? How can I not be scared? I'm on fire, anyone who comes near me could be killed."

"You have to remember that you control the flame, the flame doesn't control you. You can will the size and force of it. You can keep it from spreading, keep it at a level where it can get the job done without hurting anyone."

"Solomon you know I've tried to do that before. A hundred times, but I always lose control."

"I said that you could do it, I never said that you could do it easily."

"I've been training to control it since I was ten, and there are still results."

"I was training to be an exorcist from the time I was six and it twenty-two years to fully master it."

"But I thought you were eight when you graduated?"

"Just because I graduated, it didn't mean I knew exactly what I was doing or understood my purpose completely."

"How do you mean?"

"I thought my goal as an exorcist was to destroy demons and unholy forces. That"S what the taught me at the Vatican. I thought I was meant to be a warrior, a solider of the church. Someone who constantly fights and eliminates enemies. But the day I met you and Alastor, when I agreed to raise you two, when I started reading Magdalene's diary and finally understood what she believed in, I realized that I had the purpose of the exorcist all wrong. The original goal was not to simply destroy demons, it was protect God's children from forces that the law of the common man didn't have the power to fight. I was not meant to be a warrior, I was not meant to take pride in taking a life even if it was an unholy one. I was meant devote my life to protect those who couldn't. To find happiness in knowing that I could keep others safe despite the danger and the risks. Remember this Charlotte, God will only accept taking someone's life if it is the only way to protect another. He wants none of his children to have blood on their hands, but if they kill to protect them at least he'll know that blood wasn't spilled for nothing."

"But how can I protect anyone. I can barely protect myself."

"And do you know why that is?"

"Cause I'm a monster."

"No, because you think you are. You don't think you're worth anything and that's why it's so hard for you to control yourself. You can only see what's wrong with you, and it's especially mind-boggling, because you see good in everyone except for yourself. Why?"