Heaven, Hell, and Earth

Chapter 72

Solomon had fallen into a state of shock and panic so severe that he required sedation, and Husk insisted on placing him on suicide watch. To protect Solomon, Husk managed to persuade everyone to fabricate a story about Solomon's blood pressure spiking due to stress. Husk had no intention of keeping the truth from them for as long as he had concealed Magdalene's secret, but given Solomon's reaction to the news, there was no way Alastor was in any condition to bear the same burden—not until Solomon came to terms with it.

Alastor already felt guilty enough. He masked his emotions, but he was deeply troubled by his loss of control earlier that day—by the near-fatal incident involving Blitzo and Moxxie and by allowing Charlie to witness him in such a vulnerable state. He could sense the fear he instilled in her and everyone else around him. Deep down, he lived in constant dread that, despite saving lives and vanquishing evil, he would forever be perceived as a monster.

What Alastor failed to grasp was that not everyone feared him. Solomon and Charlie had never been afraid "of" him; they had always been afraid "for" him. Love has a way of amplifying concern for the well-being of the sinner rather than the sins committed. Charlie's connection with Alastor allowed her to feel the depths of his sorrow, shame, and fear. She sensed something within his human heart and soul—a shared desire to avoid causing harm. While his demonic side reveled in the suffering of those he deemed deserving, his human side felt guilt with every life taken and every wound inflicted. It was as if his two halves were engaged in a daily battle, much like her own internal struggle.

The difference was that, being half-angel, people like Blitzo could easily forgive her mistakes. In that moment, Charlie felt selfish. For years, she had lamented her hardships, but in truth, Alastor faced far greater challenges. At least she could pass for human; at least those around her would never doubt her potential for goodness. No one in the agency had ever discussed the possibility of needing to destroy her if the situation called for it. Aside from Solomon, nearly everyone in Alastor's life seemed to fear the worst in him at times. While Angel, Vaggie, Moxxie, and Millie made efforts to overcome that fear, it was almost a reflex—an instinct they couldn't suppress.

But did Alastor ever hold it against them? Did he ever complain? Did he ever pretend to be something he wasn't, as she had? Did he ever express how awful he felt about circumstances beyond his control? To Solomon, yes—he was their father, the one they could vent to. But to everyone else? No. He always wore a smile and maintained a cheerful demeanor. It was astonishing how he managed such strength; she doubted she could do the same in his position.

"Alastor." She said, knocking softly on his door. "May I come in?"

She could tell he had been crying. She always sensed when he was upset, feeling each tear that streamed down his face and hearing the tremor in his voice.

"Coming." He called, likely scrambling to wipe his face. "Do you need something?"

"Are you alright?"

"I'm a little upset about being grounded again, but it's temporary."

"That's not what I meant. Are you okay with what happened earlier today?"

"Oh, that? I didn't have my medicine, but don't worry—Moxxie is working on getting me a refill."

"Alastor, please don't do this."

"Do what?"

"Don't put on a happy face. Not in front of me. We're too close for that, and by now, you must know you can't hide anything from me. What you feel, I feel."

"Oh dear, I forgot about that detail."

"Please don't listen to what Blitzo said; it's not true."

"Of course it's not true. Do you think I would ever admit that idiot was right about anything?"