Heaven, Hell, and Earth

Chapter 73

The next morning at breakfast Charlie sat at the table, her thoughts still lingering on the intense conversation from the night before. She absentmindedly stirred her coffee, her mind racing with the emotions that had surged between her and Alastor. She had felt his turmoil, his fear, and his deep-seated belief that he was unworthy of love.

As she took a sip, the door creaked open, and Alastor stepped into the room, his usual cheerful demeanor replaced by a somber expression. He looked tired, as if the weight of the world rested on his shoulders, and Charlie's heart ached for him.

"Charlie." He began, his voice low and hesitant. "Can we talk?"

"Of course." She replied, setting her cup down and giving him her full attention. "What's on your mind?"

Alastor took a deep breath, his gaze dropping to the floor as he gathered his thoughts.

"Well first, I wanted to apologize for how I reacted last night."

Charlie nodded, encouraging him to continue.

"It's okay, Al. You were feeling a lot of things."

"But that's no excuse." He insisted, finally meeting her gaze. "You were trying to help me, and I... I was just angry at myself. I hate to admit it, but Blitzo has a point; I've been making things harder for everyone lately. I don't mean to cause trouble, truly I don't. It's just that when I feel something is right or that I should act, I feel compelled to do it."

"Don't be so hard on yourself. You're not the only one who feels this way, you know? As I recall, you weren't alone when you went down there, and it wasn't even your idea."

"True, but Angel isn't exactly the first person everyone wants to blame when things go wrong."

"Personally, I don't think it's fair to blame anyone. What good does blaming someone do? It doesn't solve anything."

"Then what's the point of jail time, community service, or grounding in Solomon's case?"

"Alastor, there's a big difference between blaming someone and expecting them to take responsibility for their actions. Blame focuses on assigning fault and finger-pointing, which only spreads anger and hate—and that's never productive. Wanting someone to take responsibility means you want them to acknowledge their role in a situation and actively work to correct it. That's all Solomon expects from us. He knew we would make mistakes—probably anticipated it the moment he took each of us in. But as long as he teaches us to discern right from wrong and encourages us to put forth an honest effort with a good heart, our mistakes won't matter in the long run."

"Try telling that to Blitzo, the other agents, and the entire world."

"The other agents and the world don't know you, so their opinions are irrelevant. Blitzo is angry and bitter, and I think he's been that way for a long time because he's hurting. When people are in pain, they often feel the need to blame someone to make sense of it."

"But I've never hurt him—not psychologically, at least. Okay, there were a few incidents where I made him think I was going to eat him, but he's been through worse, I'm sure."

"I don't believe you're the source of his pain at all. He was like this long before he met any of us; you just happened to be the perfect scapegoat in his eyes."

"And that makes it right?"

"Of course not. I'm just saying that bad things don't happen around here solely because of you. It's not all your fault. And if it helps, not every agent shares Blitzo's perspective. Moxxie and Millie know you're a good person doing your best, and you must know that Solomon, Angel, Vaggie, and I feel the same way."